More On Simulations

The power of simulations has impressed me for quite a while now. I wanted to share some other types of simulations we've used to teach principles or provide learning opportunities:

GENTLEMEN BEHAVIOR - I have envisioned that I want sons that know proper behavior; they need to know there's a time and a place to wrestle and other situations where more formal etiquette is necessary. I'm not at all against wrestling and rough housing. Research shows it positively impacts the ability to set boundaries. It's more the TIMING of the wrestling that matters to me. Sacrament mtg., for example, is NOT my favorite time to play Don King.

When desires to wrestle are apparent - I like to set the stage for it. We create a padded wrestling stage, go over rules like "No biting, punching or kicking," and teach proper take downs and pins. Then they start in their corners and obey the start/stop whistle. This is a simulation. I think it teaches skills, allows aggression to escape and also teaches self-control b/c they learn to start and stop the activity, not letting it escalate until someone needs a ride to the ER.

Next - in raising gentlemen, I was trying to think of a medium to teach them appropriate behaviors, other than lectures :) That's when I became hooked on Knights. I love the code of Knights and stories that teach great values of bravery, loyalty, honor, chivalry, etc. So we use knight books, dress ups, acting out scenes, etc. as a medium for developing the values of knighthood.

Another desire I had was to be able to take my children to others' homes, such as for visiting teaching, if I absolutely HAD to take them, and have them behave respectably. So I teach one older lady who lives in a small apt with "old lady things." She's delightfully tolerant of children, wonderful to them. I called her one day to ask if she would participate as a hostess for our "Gentlemen's camp." That's what we call it. I explained to my boys that adults like children who behave well. I stated that clearly about 3 times. Then I shared that when adults like children, they often give them special privileges, opportunities, attention and rewards. On the way to the woman's house, I gave examples of how to act in a new person's home, how to ask for permission to touch things, how to speak properly, etc. At the home I just let them explore, interjecting at times to help script the conversation. For example, I'd see Aisea reaching for a glass vase and I'd say, "Aisea, say 'Sister Young, can I hold this vase?'" He'd pause and repeat that phrase. We did this type of coaching throughout the visit and when I could tell their interest was beginning to wear, we ended the visit. Sister Young was very complimentary to the boys and had a treat for them. As we left, I affirmed their behaviors and reiterated, "Adults LIKE children with good behaviors. She said you are welcome to come to her house again!"
They enjoy our "Gentlemen's Camp," and also now have another "friend," at church that they enjoy sitting by, doing things for, and just saying "Hi," to each week. (I think it makes her day too.)

Simulations for building confidence and self-worth:
I know these are critical core beliefs and are built early on. Therefore, I want my children to feel a sense of mastery in the experiences they have. I believe that is how they build confidence and self-worth. When they are asked to give talks, sing or say a scripture at church, for example, I do two things: 1st, I let them choose the topic (or scripture) and dictate the talk to me. That way, it's their words, their testimony and by me helping them share what THEY want to share, I feel it validates them, their knowledge and their abilities. 2nd we go up to the church during the week and rehearse their talk several times with the microphone. I just make it fun, not like a forced "YOU MUST DO THIS," kind of drill. We have fun. They play with the mic and sing in to it, make funny sounds...get all that "boy stuff" out of their system, and then they're ready to really practice. I refer to General Conference speakers they've seen and remind them of those behaviors, giving them a visual for posture, reverence and delivery. After they've done it a few times, we go an play in the nursery. It's just a fun practice trip to the church. Then I'll read their talks to them while they eat breakfast a couple of more times, not asking them to recite it, just letting them listen while I read with feeling and emphasis. These are simulations. When the real event happens, they're comfortable and prepared. They give great deliveries and receive affirmations from others that reinforces the principles of confidence and self-worth.

It seems that almost anything can be taught through simulations and they are empowering. They empower the child to overcome fears and anxieties while in a safe, confined situation. They build confidence and self-worth, provide a depth and breadth of experiences, build logical processing skills, and ultimately set a precedence for them to learn to practice, practice, practice anything they want to become better at.

True Joy Comes from Living Priorities

I love marathon training!!! It's NOT about running - running is just the vehicle for peace of mind, solitude, and inspiration.
This morning, while running, I realized that my mission in life is tied to my top three priorities:
1. Spiritual Progression
2. Physical and Mental Health
3. A Great Leadership Education

These are the things I most value, most desire, for myself and my family, and what I wish to share with the world.

Today I want to highlight a story that brings me great joy. Being a vehicle in changing people's lives brings me real, lasting happiness. Way to go, Rachel!!!


Here is Rachel - from Hawaii -
She lost 50 lbs in 12 weeks! She feels incredible, both physically and mentally/emotionally!





Rachel loves how she feels, physically and mentally on Isagenix - but she was having trouble with how much it cost. Then she took out her financial records and reviewed the money she'd spent over the past couple of years trying, unsuccessfully, to lose weight:
24 Hour Fitness - with a personal trainer 3 times a week - $3,000.00-$4,000.00 - she didn't lose weight.
2 Attempts at Weight Watchers - $300 - $500 per month, including the classes, coaching and foods they tell you to buy. She didn't lose weight.
Then she quit her stressful job as a social worker and wanted to have her own business - distributing a makeup line - that start up and inventory cost her $5,000.00 and didn't go anywhere - she still has product on hand that she hasn't sold.
After reviewing the numbers - she is now celebrating how cost effective - even CHEAP - Isagenix is. Not only is it cost effective, she says, the best part is......IT REALLY WORKS!

Not the Ideal Simulation

Last week we had a family function in Las Vegas. The town, itself, is not my ideal place to live, play, or be. However, I do have memories of going to Vegas on occasion as a child and driving up and down the Las Vegas Strip, marveling at the big buildings and lights and all the hustle and bustle. So, being the brilliant mother that I am (sarcasm there, you'll see), I suggested to Sai that we go down earlier in the day to take our boys to see the Exclaibur hotel, the NY NY, and other "great sights" on the strip. All I can say is - BIG MISTAKE!
We parked at the Excalibur and walked through - the casino. Not much to see except some same sex love and enough smoke to cook a pig. My boys had their noses covered as we hurried through the building, hoping the polution outside would not be as bad as it was inside. There were a couple of statues of knights - the highlight, but not much else. We walked out on the strip and saw the Statue of Liberty and then got trapped in blocks of construction. Half the strip was demolished and there were construction barricades/tunnels that we had to walk through. This is where it gets ugly. We passed many soliciters who were trying to pass out cards, that looked like baseball cards. We just passed by them, but when we got into the tunnels, the ground was littered with these cards and they were...inappropriate and immoral (don't want to link my blog with any specific words, so I hope you get the point). I wanted to die. There we were, stuck in a bleak tunnel, nothing to look at, but the ground, littered in these pictures. Shocked, I told my boys, "Look up! Can you see the clouds?" I tried to keep their eyes toward the sky as we walked and walked through this seemingly endless hell. Once out, we were still bombarded with the soliciters as well as huge passing trucks touting billboards with topless girls in undies. We determined that Sai would run back and get the van and come rescue us, so that we wouldn't have to go back through "hell."
I was devastated - only a mother can relate - here I pray and worry daily about what my children will be faced with and exposed to in their lives, and then I bring them face to face with evil. I wished for a magic wand. I regretted being so stupid and clueless. Then I realized, I had to teach. I noticed Sikeli seeing one of the disgraceful passing trucks and I made eye contact with him and said, "Remember what I've said about modesty? The Lord wants us to respect our bodies. Satan wants us to show them off and have others look at them. That's not okay." I apologized to them for bringing them into the Lion's Den. I told them I hadn't realized it was so filthy. I asked Sikeli if he felt the same spirit there as he does when we go to the temple grounds - he shook his head, no. Then I related our experience to Lehi's dream, saying, "Remember the 'mists of darkness?' Where people get off the path and are led away to sin? This is what that means. People are here thinking this is fun and entertaining, and it's not. It's fake. It's the temptations of Satan." We had some discussions and I felt some sense of peace and hope.
We found a secluded, grassy spot to play and wait for dad.
Relieved for the refuge, I fought back tears. Tears for my stupidity, and tears for the realization that this is the world today. That no matter what I do, my children will walk in a world of filth - one that is far different from the world I knew as a child. One where blatant sin traps have replaced subtle temptations. I'm raising leaders - priesthood leaders - missionaries - husbands - fathers. I realized that this is no small endeavor. EVERY DAY COUNTS! Every interaction either builds and solidifies their strength, character and testimony, or challenges it. As Julie Beck said, "Mothers Who Know Are Teachers." We must be. Because they WILL be taught - the only question is, "If not by us, then by who?" The answer: The World.
This experience follows the recent theme in my life - the need for simulations and educational experiences - and added to my conviction to make every day a spiritual, principle-based, learning experience.
May God be with all of us as mothers.

Simulations - I

I'm getting serious about SIMULATIONS - creating teaching opportunities is so fun and more importantly, effective. Here's what happened today:

I decided my "Knights of Fiji," (Sikeli and Aisea) needed to venture out on a "Quest of Safety." They had never been around the neighborhood block alone before. I informed them of their "Quest," to stay on the sidewalk, go all the way around the block, not cross any streets and to not go anywhere with any kids or adults. I coached them on what to say if anyone should approach them, esp. if some adults were concerned that they were unsupervised. Armed with their "weapons," (a spyglass in one hand and a stick in the other), off they went.

Just as they rounded the corner, a friend appeared in our driveway in his dune buggy car. The boys love to ride in this topless gas guzzler. I told the friend of our quest and asked him to find the boys and tempt them to ride with him. He agreed, and off he went. It wasn't long before he was back in my driveway, noticeably solo in his buggy. He told me that he had invited the boys to go for a ride. He said Aisea was eager, but Sikeli told him, "No, we won't!" As the driver egged them on, saying, "Come on, it will be fun!" Sikeli shook his head and said, "NO!" And then walked away. Eventually, Aisea followed his older brother.
I was SO ECSTATIC! That was a hard test - to have someone they know invite them to do something they love doing. But they PASSED THE QUEST!
When they returned, I met them at the porch and congratulated them on a job well done. They earned the title of Knights for their bravery and obedience!

It Clicked

FAMILY 1 MILE FUN-RUN AS PART OF A MEDIEVAL FESTIVAL
In other news...
I had one of those moments when something I had learned in the past, suddenly sunk all the way in.
It happened at the library. I was just watching my boys participate in a program and make their way about the library, each attending to his own favorite section, and I suddenly got it: Core Phase.
Leadership Education (by Oliver DeMille) defines "phases" of learning, rather than grades. The first phase is called "Core Phase," b/c it's the development of the "core" of a person - his/her allegiance to God, Self, Others or the Adversary. And it roughly encompasses the ages of 0-8. In short, it's character building, values, morals,...the inner compass...that which guides the individual throughout life. Imagine the coincidence that research shows that by age 8 a person develops his/her character/personality and at that age we become accountable in the eyes of God.
As I sat observing children in the library, it just hit me, and just clicked: kids can learn anything; Therefore, I can spend my time drilling them on flashcards, with info, facts, trivia, etc., teaching them colors, letters, numbers,...yada yada yada...all the academics and they could learn it and become "brainiacs," or I could relax on that and focus all my energy (at this period in their life) on character (coupled with a love of learning - meaning, making learning fun and just part of our family culture)and at the appropriate time (which is the Scholar Phase - adolescence)integrate intensive academic focus.
It was as if I could see in that moment the long term ramifications of each pursuit. And it just clicked! I noticed kids who were NOT in Core Phase - there were kids at the library who said rude and mean things to other kids. They didn't listen to, or obey the teacher; They weren't aware of others; They weren't really processing the discussions, rather just being herded around like cattle, going here and there as dictated by the teacher and/or parents and mostly in their own little worlds. This question came to mind, "When will these behaviors change?" The answer, "They won't. The kids will just get bigger."
I could see character (or lack of it) being built right there. I realized that GREATNESS forms early on. I felt that honestly, nothing matters more, nor will bring more joy to my sons in their lives, than
learning to work - I'd rather have them in a garden than at a desk right now;
Learning to serve - I'd rather have them writing thank-yous to people than practicing handwriting scripts;
Learning true principles - I'd rather have them reading scripture and church history books for children than Dora the Explorer....and the like;
Learning the classics - I'd rather have them singing and reciting nursery rhymes, songs from plays, classic fairytales, .... then becoming familiar with the latest cartoons;
Learning loyalty to family - I'd rather have them spending time with their brothers, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, than playing with their "best friend" down the street while ostracizing a sibling;
Learning to behave like gentlemen - I'd prefer that they know proper etiquette and understand appropriate times and places for certain behaviors, than to behave as monkeys or "boys just being boys," in response to outsider opinions of them and of boys in general.

And the finale in this "ah-ha" moments was: And all of these things that I want them to know...MUST BE TAUGHT. They won't just know them. They won't just accidentally develop them - they must be taught. AND in order to be taught, I have to create situations - better yet - SIMULATIONS - in which they can be taught and practice each of these things. Wow. There's a curriculum for you. Who has time for school with all this learning that needs to take place :)

Gettin' Cultured - Part 2

I was so inspired by my dad's "Tractor Square Dancing" that I felt it was time to take my boys back to where it all began.
My dad was raised on a ranch near the Beaver Dam State Park in NV. It's been years since I've been to the ranch, and my boys have no memory of it. So this past week we convinced grandpa to take us to the ranch for a few days. No cell phone service, no internet, no traffic....just nature. It was an "ah-hah" for me. So many of us discuss the growing, yearning desire to live more simply, more healthily, more happily - yet we continue to live day to day in an ever increasing state of chaos and "busy-ness." I believe this desire is part of the collective unconscious - a trend occuring throughout society, yet many are unaware of what they're feeling and worse yet, unaware of what they can do about it.
So what can we do about it? Just get in the car and GO! (Okay, it may help if you HAVE a ranch to go to...:) It was SO freeing. The peace and stillness of the ranch was conducive to a peace and stillness within me. It opened the channels of inpsiration and put my children into focus as the priority, over other time demanding/consuming "necesseties" of my typical home life.
We stopped by the Hafen ranch on our way to the Mathews ranch. Let me just say, I was overwhelmed. I have known these people all my life - in fact, our families are currently in their 5th generation of sociality - one with another. However, on this trip, I was impressed by the thought, "This is what's meant by 'salt of the earth.' These people are truly that!"

Here are my boys at the Hafen ranch in front of the old school house where their great-grandpa Mathews attended school.



Here are some photos of a great-grandpa Hafen entertaining my kids as if they were his own. Love you people!!!


Then at the Mathews' Ranch we leared all about our grandpa's upbringing. My boys had a great time - Thanks Grandpa!

Gettin' Cultured

My dad was raised on a ranch. He wears wranglers and western cut shirts, everyday. He wears "nice" boots to church. He watches RFD TV (never heard of it? Consider yourself LUCKY!) He recently retired and with lots more time on his hands he has been becoming more and more savvy with his internet skills - as a result of some tutorials from my brother. My dad's favorite site is Youtube. I find my children sitting with my dad watching the most interesting (sarcasm there) things. When I ask him what he's exposing my children to, he replies, "They're gettin' cultured."
Here is one clip I just couldn't resist sharing with you. This is the type of "culture" we get in my house.

Amazing

Just a quick plug - www.sanaejamesphoto.com

This friend of mine, a mom, a photographer, has gone from having a photo hobby to putting out images that look like a high end fashion magazine photographer!!!
Sanae - your work is AMAZING! Where were you when I needed a family photo shoot???
I want to hear comments from what you all think - I really can't believe that she is an "amateur."

Just for fun

Here are some photos. While getting pictures done, my husband whispered to me regarding the photographer, "She's no Natalie Norton." We miss you NAT!

Empowerment

The word, "Empowerment," to me, is not a neo-nazi-feminist word that should scare anyone. It simply means: to have the ability, and permission, to accomplish something. Disempowerment is the opposite - it's when the environment is controlled by a dominating force which suppresses the individual's agency.
I believe that at times our own choices disempower us - we give our power away to external forces - and live a far less effective, less satisfying, less impactful life, than we could.
I love Victor Frankl's own example from his experience inside of a Nazi concentration camp, detailed in "Man's Search for Meaning." He teaches that while "liberty" (your ability to move about at will) may be controlled by others, "freedom" is completely up to you - it is a state of mind.
Through this type of "freedom," empowerment emerges.
I believe in empowerment - as a principle. I want to empower my children to have and use their inner compass - to have the character to act with integrity and the self-worth to overcome sin.
I want to empower my husband to feel comfortable in his greatness.
I want to empower my friends to live their dreams.
I want to empower LDS women to be truly happy by shedding limiting beliefs about perfectionism.
I want to empower women everywhere to accept their beauty and potential and to not play small.
In order to do any of this - I must first empower myself.
Homebirth was a powerful experience that added to my sense of empowerment. I was able to create a birthing environment that gave me permission to do, say and feel anything I wanted to, anything that felt natural or necessary. I was not inhibited in the least. It provided me with the space to maximize my OWN abilities and strengthen my faith and reliance on the Lord.
Another empowering experience is marathon running, and since I just REGISTERED FOR THE ST. GEORGE MARATHON, coming up in October, I wanted to highlight this empowering endeavor by sharing one of my favorite clips. I believe that empowerment evolves from sacrifice and pain because they are intrinsically linked to triumph, success and greatness. Here is a look at why 5 people run - it hits home for me.

Share the Cause

My favorite line is..."anyone who walks away from this, walks away from the obvious." (may be paraphrased).
Really, truly, if we don't have our health, what do we have????
These are some questions I've asked myself lately:
1 - Do I know ANY family that doesn't have at least 1 person with a preventable/degenerative health condition?
2 - Do I know why my kids' immune systems are so low? (Why they repeatedly have colds and coughs).
3 - Do I know what is in the water I drink?
4 - Do I know where my foods come from - where and how they're grown?
5 - Do I know what hormone injected cows and chickens do to my body and my kids'?
6 - Do I see the increase in disease within our society, affecting kids at a younger and younger age?
7 - Do I get that it is an environmental issue - that "toxins" are real?
8 - Is it true what I've heard that this generation of kids will die at an earlier age than their parents - a 1st in the history of America (a "1st world" nation.)
9 - Is it true that obesity just surpassed tobacco as a leading killer in America?
10 - Is it really that common for kids to have bowel/constipation problems? (I thought it was just my kids).
I find more and more moms becoming educated and concerned about these things. I want to learn from any of you - what do you know and what are you doing about it?

Meeting the Brothers

Here are glimpses of the first moments that each Naivalu boy had with their new baby. We introduced each of the older brothers, one at a time, so they could spend some time just with mom and baby alone. Each one was in awe of their new little brother. When it was Aisea's turn, he entered the room and said, "Oh my goodness, it's a BABY!"
Pictured below are the "Birthing Team" members - Grandma Mathews & Liz - the midwife, Sai, Angie & Anja.

The Outcome!

(Yes, both eyes open...just not for photos!)
Josaia was overdue, we later learned, because he was quite entangled in the cord, including twice around his neck, so tightly, that the midwife couldn't slip her finger between his neck and cord to release it. When he was fully born, a few sommersaults got him untangled. He had been "held up" inside and had not descended for this reason. Thus my body had not been triggered into labor. I tried everything - even castor oil! Thank heavens the Lord prevented MY efforts until the right timing and spirit were there. It was all a beautiful miracle!

Josaia David Naivalu - born at home on 2:51 a.m. on Friday, April 3, 2009
8 lbs 7 oz. 21 inches long.
I have written a full-length birth story as a record of this awesome event. I would gladly email it to anyone interested in more details. To summarize the lessons learned from this very special home birth, I have listed the following key points:

1. Trust in the Lord. Moments after Josaia’s safe arrival, I reflected on this scripture: Ether 12:6 (from the Book of Mormon) states, “ And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” God WAS with me all along – even when I felt unsure of what decisions to make. I had to make them myself and proceed with faith, knowing that He would intercede and prompt me otherwise if I was not following His will.
2. Letting Go of Pain. Angie facilitated this great lesson. After each contraction, she would smooth her hands over my face and body and say, “Let it go. That one is over and you never have to live it again.” The profound lesson is that with any pain, hurt, discouragement or despair in life, once the moment is over, LET IT GO! Once you’ve lived through it, it’s over and you never have to repeat that exact same moment. Staying in the present this way helped me to not fear the upcoming contraction. It helped me to not carrying the tension of the past into the future. This made each contraction a unique effort and ultimately more bearable. I know that if I can live my life this way, releasing any resentment, anger, fear, shame…..as the moment passes, I will have healthier relationships and ultimately more joy from day to day.
3. My Joy is Directly Related to My Pain and Sacrifice. I believe there is opposition in all things and that the opposition is always equal in intensity to the potential for joy. Anything I do that is easy, or nearly effortless, will bring that same level of satisfaction and joy with it. Anything I do that requires work, sacrifice, and/or pain will bring with it that same level of satisfaction and joy. A marathon is a good example. For me, running a marathon is the celebration party after months of hard training. Crossing the finish line is pure elation. Homebirth has blessed me with a similar, almost unexplainable level of satisfaction and joy. I never would have understood it, had I not experienced it.

I am truly grateful for this experience and in every way, on every account, I personally prefer my home birth experience over my hospital births.

Thank you Mom. Thank you Sai. Thank you Angie. Thank you Anja. Thank you Liz. Thank you Josaia. Thank you Heavenly Father.
And thank you to all who sent messages and prayers in our behalf!

Still pregnant

Update - I'm still here. Baby is hibernating. Just sitting up high. Wish I had more news for you.

Pet Peeve

Today is my due date - I swore I wouldn't let my due date bother me, that I'd let it come and go and just enjoy this "natural" process thing. However, with my husband working out of town, 7 hours away, I really wanted to make sure he'd be here. So he has a whole 4 day weekend off and has to return on Monday and I was feeling a little anxious to get things going by today. However, nothing is happening. I had some contractions yesterday following my pedicure and full body massage and Cafe Rio dinner (I tried)but they stopped. I think it was a good thing b/c I was up all night with a kid coughing his head off- nothing soothed it, and he had an earache - nothing stopped the pain. So today I was able to get all 3 boys checked out. Now I think we have everything to help them feel better, so maybe I can go into labor?


But my real PET PEEVE for today, is probably a small thing when you're NOT an overtired, overdue pregnant lady. Here it is: When I go to a pediatrician's office and I see kid after kid coming OUT of the office with a sucker, I seriously want to shout! I considered putting a sign on the sucker dish that said, "Take One - it's our job security." So your kid is there b/c they're sick and they will likely get some RX antibiotic and then are sent out with sugar, which depresses the immune system and is seriously only detrimental to the body and mind!?! I don't get it. I just don't get it. It really does not strengthen my faith in medical personnel.

Lincoln's Birthday Party

We recently held a birthday party for Abraham Lincoln. We have enjoyed learning about "Honest Abe" and wanted to honor him for his birthday. We invited our cousins and a few friends over for a few activities, cake and ice cream, and then, A VISIT FROM ABE HIMSELF!

Update on Meditation

My "ah-hah."
In what state of mind do you receive revelation/spiritual inspiration? Past, present or future?
Easy question, isn't it?
The present. The Holy Ghost cannot speak to you in the past or the future, right?
Now, honestly, out of 100% of your day, what percentage do you think you spend in meditation, or in other words, in the present?
My brother answered by saying, "About 2%."
Phenomenal!
That 2% has an interesting correlation with what brain research shows in the book The Answer. It states that our conscious minds account for about 2-4% of our daily activity and that our unconscious minds control 96-98% of what takes place in our lives.
How much of our lives, then, is directed by the Spirit?
What spurred this was reading Julie Beck's testimony in the March 2009 Ensign. On page 19 she states, "Each sister should seek to have the Holy Ghost guide her." It is such a common sentiment in our church, that it's almost unnoticeable. However, I've had meditation and being in the present on my mind. So I asked myself, "When can the Holy Ghost speak to me?"
It is true that most of us spend most of our day in the past or the future. Yet, many of us would agree that our goal is to "live by the Spirit." Well, perhaps there's more of a formula or behavioral approach to accomplishing that goal than we think. Maybe it takes more physiological effort than simply stating that as a desire in our conscious minds.
MEDITATE ON THAT!
...and you have GOT to watch this! It makes me want to run to the top of a mountain and shout for joy!

Thanks Quincy!
WE ARE CREATORS - BUT WE CANNOT CREATE IN THE PAST OR IN THE FUTURE. CREATION HAPPENS NOW - "MEDITATE AND CREATE" Angel Naivalu

WHAT IS MEDITATION?

I learned something cool today: meditation is being in the present.








Why is that so amazing? Because it is SO RARE! For a while I've thought about how most (if not all) of human emotional problems/issues, whatever you want to call them, originate out of people living (or dwelling momentarily) in the past or fearing the future. Harboring feelings from the past of pain, trauma, loneliness, rejection, judgment, resentment, jealousy, loss, .....whatever it is... this occupies our minds. Our thoughts dictate our emotions. Going deeper, to the unconscious mind, our beliefs dictate our thoughts.
Other people have fears and phobias. These can relate to incidents from the past - past incidents may have formulated very strong beliefs and so we project them into the future with fear. Anxiety, worry, anticipation, "what ifs"..... concern about the future cause us more trouble.
Being in the present = meditation. The unconscious mind does not know the difference between past and future - everything is present. So when we are literally totally focused on the moment, we are open to the power of our unconscious mind.
Don't get what I'm talking about? Pick a time, whether you're alone, with kids, spouse, anyone, and try to be present - meaning, focus on every one of your 5 senses and what you're experiencing in that moment. See how hard it is to keep your conscious mind on track.
Coolest exercise I discovered - take a bath. Slip down into the water til your ears are under water. This will bring you right into the present as you can hear your own breathing AND your heartbeat. Focus on that. See how long you can stay focused on that.
I now realize that we don't live in the present very often or easily - and we therefore miss a lot of inspiration that comes in the present - not in the past or future - but in the present.
This is BIG for me - just try it. See what happens with your kids or your spouse when you are with them and TOTALLY PRESENT. Amazing.
(Thanks Kami Mitchell!)

Mentoring Moments

Leadership Education (an educational philosophy AND a book title) have done more for me as a parent than any other single source. It has revolutionized how I view education for myself and my children, enhanced the role I take on in my children's education, and it has significantly raised my expectations of human potential in general.

One principle from this philosophy is known as "mentoring." "Mentors, not professors," is based on the principle that a mentor is an individual with an area of expertise or knowledge who is committed to conveying her/his knowledge through inspiring teaching methods, such as:

• starting where the student is,
  
• pacing with the student's interest and understanding, and
  
• promoting exceptional growth by challenging the student in ways that push him/her right up to the edge of comfort and ability.

In contrast, a typical professor/student relationship is more hierarchical in nature where the professor is elevated by his/her expertise and is invested in providing lectures and the student's job is to absorb whatever the professor teaches.


Also, the mentor relationship is generally one on one.

Mentors are first, parents, and then anyone who assumes or is assigned that role.

I have been astounded by this one concept alone. The power and potential in it is phenomenal. I have had loads of professors in my life, K-12, associates program, bachelor's program and masters program, and really only 2-3 "mentors" among all of them. It was those mentors, however, who shaped my self-esteem, character, knowledge and skills, and passions more than all of the other teachers combined. The point: it doesn't take a lot of teachers to educate a child.

As I've read examples of mentoring relationships, I realized that as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have access to amazing people right within our own little congregations. There is a potential mentor for nearly any general subject one could conceive of, and with a little searching, maybe to a stake level or beyond, likely a mentor on any specialty subject as well.

This introduction is all to explain what happened today. Sikeli (5) has been fascinated with the Prophet Joseph Smith for a while now. He loves to be read the Friend magazine clips on stories from the prophet's life. He dresses up like Joseph and loves to ask questions about him. I decided to provide him with his first, "official" mentoring session outside of our family setting. In our ward, living just around the corner about 3 houses away, is Gracia Jones. She is a Deseret Book author (a few of her books shown above) and the great-great granddaughter of Joseph and Emma Smith. She is also the first baptized descendant of the prophet. A potential mentor? Could it get any better than that?

I sat by her Thursday at a Relief Society function and just asked her if she'd have 3o minutes when Sikeli could come to her house and ask questions about the prophet. She said Friday would be great. When I told Sikeli on Friday morning, what he was going to get to do, he immediately dressed in his "Joseph clothes," and was ready to head out the door. I dropped him off with Sister Jones and when I returned, he had lots of stories to tell me. He had held some household items that had belonged to Emma and held and felt a replica of a death mask of the prophet.

Do you think this is at least as effective as an FHE or primary lesson on the Prophet Joseph Smith? Like I said, this one principle, mentoring, has opened my eyes to unlimited possibilities in my children's education. I have to take the lead, I have to search them out and set them up, I have to expose my children, but then, I just sit back and watch.

GET THE BOOK! Leadership Education - by Oliver DeMille

Naivalu parenting motto: We are NOT raising children, we're raising leaders.

What's Guiding YOUR Life Right Now?

(Not his real hair!)
Maika - 19 months Aisea 3 1/2 Sikeli 5
Above and beyond all else - these 3 guide my life!!!

I love learning from other people!!! I love it when friends share what they're learning and doing. So often, their examples lead me to find new passions in my own life.

I had the most amazing weekend! I travelled to northern Utah, BY MYSELF!!! (Can you believe it?) I was able to visit some friends and help my cousin at a bridal show. I loved visiting old friends and I realized that email, phone and blogging does not cut it in terms of maintaining relationships. So much more happens with face to face conversation.

The themes in my life seemed to repeat themselves at each home, as I shared what interests me these days. In light of this experience, I thought I 'd make a list of "My Favorite Things" that have greatly impacted my learning:

1. The book entitled, "The Answer" by John Assaraf and Murray Smith The title can be misleading as it includes something about "how to grow any business" - do not be deceived! The information pertains to every day life. It shares a lot about neuroscience and the latest understandings of the conscious and unconscious minds, how to identify irrational beliefs and how to re-write them. It is life changing.

2. Book - "Leadership Education" by Oliver DeMille. This can be ordered through the George Wythe University bookstore - http://www.gw.edu/. This is the educational paradigm we use in our family. Whether you're homeschooling or public schooling, this amazing book can show you a new way to think about education and can be implemented into your family culture as you see fit. You do not have to homeschool to be greatly blessed by this book. I Love it!

3. Book "Out of Our Minds" By Sir Ken Robinson - a researched backed look at educational & social paradigms and their exclusion of creativity as a standard part of curriculum and as a valued aspect of civilization, respectively. The irony presented is that what is needed now, more than ever, in the workplace, in leadership, etc. is.....CREATIVITY. We are moving into a new era - a shift equal to that which took place in the past as we merged from an agricultural civilization into an industrial one, then from industrial into technology, we are now in a new shift. Old ways of thinking will not work in the current, global market. Great book.

These are my "food for thought" nuggets.

4. As for my physical body, We are still way into cleansing and love the products from Isagenix. We see the benefits in our own family and extended family and friends. We also support the mission of the company.http://www.wellness.within.isagenix.com/

5. Spiritually - Loving the November '08 Ensign. It's so interesting how much of it fits into and lends support, or clarifies, rather, to the other things I've been reading. Also the Strengthening Marriage course manual produced by the church and LDS Family Services.

6. Homebirth - a little manual called "Powerbirth" that also comes with a DVD - the single best education on homebirth. This is so simple and obviously natural to understand and to implement. Recommended for anyone who is curious about homebirths. Also, the DVD "The Business of Being Born" It's a must. If you are for or anti homebirth, this is an education - very provacative for one's thinking.

This is where I'm at right now and what's guiding my life.

Please share with me what is guiding YOUR life right now and what your "favorite things" are.