Recommended Reading

Here I am, recommending a book - comical. (Me, not the book).
I read this in one night. Easy read, but so real. McCarthy was frank about her feelings and experiences leading up to, and dealing with, the discovery that her son had autism. She seemed so female to me - meaning, her thoughts and actions were just so typical of being a woman and a mom and I found it easy to relate to her (well, mostly). I have been drawn to autism since I was a peer tutor in elementary school in the special ed. classroom. Since then I have been able to help with preschool kids with autism and volunteered one summer at NACD (www.nacd.org) in Ogden, UT. NACD is an agency that has tremendous results in working with autism, basically eradicating the symptoms of it, using many of the forms of treatment similar to those McCarthy discovered and applied with her son.
I love how she states she earned a PhD in Google Research. What a blessing the internet is to moms! I also loved the 3 references to Mormon missionaries, yet felt frustrated that she didn't get that they were a direct answer to her pleas to God for direction and that they came to her door at times when she desparately needed them.
I recommend this book to all women b/c the biggest lessons can be applied to any of us:
1. Take your burdens to the Lord - follow His direction - miracles will happen.
2. Follow your female intuition - you're right. Do not be intimidated by male institutions and those institutions that attempt to control or dominate with power and prestige (it's often lights and smoke).
3. Find a cause - figure out what you were born to do and do it! Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi).

Party Planning Insights

It just happened. I noticed. And I am grateful.

I have been preparing for my son's birthday party. His interest in Knights led easily into a party theme. Without premeditation, the actual party planning and preparation taught me an important lesson: children, character, memories and love are more important than the outcome.

It seems an obvious lesson, but here's what happened. I came up with ideas for decorations, games, food, costumes, etc. Then when it came time to construct and paint the cardboard castle, I decided to invite my boys to help paint. However, I had one moment of, "If they help, it will be so messy, take longer, be more difficult...." and then I heard my own thoughts. "What am I thinking!?! Of course they need to help paint it!"
Luckily, my dad and brother took over the "design and construction" portion, and, without volunteering, supervised the painting too. I was putting crowns together and watching out the window as my boys giggled, shouted and squealed over the experience. Watching their joy as cardboard was transformed before their eyes into a knight's castle was one of the greatest moments of my life. All at once, I saw the layers of meaning: participation, work, teamwork, contribution toward a final project, intergenerational mentoring, stewardship, memories, responsibility, capability, creativity, .... and of course, plain, old, messy, fun.

They made something that will last beyond the hours of the party. It will be their castle. I hear them say it's "SO AWESOME!"

I thought about how easy it is, as the mother, to plan, prepare and DO everything. I thought about being able to BUY everything for a "fun themed party." And then I compared it with what took place: "What's the point?" I thought. "Of a fancy, decorated, theme party of which the kids had no part in preparing? What's cool about that?"

I was taught by a mentor greater than myself, in this situation, that "doing it the right way" is not about how the end result will look to myself or anyone else, but how it is perceived by the child(ren).

"Grandpa" Wells has taught that great parenting, and the development of good character, do not occur in the grandiose events of childhood. Rather, they develop over "a thousand small moments of parenting." This was one of those moments that will surely leave a tatoo on their souls.

PRAY ALWAYS - Elder Bednar

I am finally doing something I've considered doing for years: Reading the General Conference issue of the Ensign magazine (of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), article by article and studying each message and trying to apply it to my life.
I can't get over it. How could that much "gold" be dropped in my lap every 6 months??? It's one thing to hear it, but quite another to read it (okay, Nic, reading books may bring a different power than listening to audiobooks).
On pg 41, Elder Bednar talks about prayer. His 1st principle is that, "Prayer becomes more meaningful as we counsel with the Lord in ALL our doings."
"How do I apply this?" I thought. The idea came that by writing down "all my doings," all that I want/need to get done, and taking them, one by one, to the Lord. It reminds me of how Sai helps me when I'm feeling stressed. He'll say, "List the things that are bothering you, or that you have to get done." When I list them, it's generally about 5 things and right off, that doesn't seem as overwhelming as it had when they were all meshed together in my head.
Next he'll take on the things he can do to help - pointing out that I don't have to do everything.
Then, he helps me break down the other things into manageable "bites" to accomplish them with ease.
I realized that Sai has patterned for me exactly what the Lord can do, too, if I were to counsel with Him in ALL of my doings.
Another insight came from our "Grandpa" (Gawain) Wells (BYU Professor of psychology, author, etc.) He once stated that when he's working on writing (for publication, for a talk, etc.) That he starts with a prayer, asking the Lord to help him write truth and the things the Lord would have him say. Then, in an act of TRUE FAITH, he writes - and he trusts that what comes out on paper is being assisted from the Lord.
I've thought about how I may ask the Lord for help with something like that, and then I go forth with anxiety and doubt and work and re-work something according to my own will and mind.
What if I followed Elder Bednar's counsel and took each concern to the Lord, prayed with real faith, and then just followed the inspiration that came, without second guessing it? Well, we'll see what comes of it. I've made my list and there are currently 7 items on it (I must be more stressed than I thought:)

Knowledge = Salvation

Joseph Smith on Knowledge

Many people are buzzing about the "law of attraction." I had the opportunity to substitute in Relief Society 2 Sundays ago and teach the lesson (chp 22 from the Joseph Smith manual) on Gaining Knowledge of Eternal Truths. It was so fun for me because the topic is one I'm passionate about - being a converted "reader." I marvel at how gaining knowledge brings joy. It spawns hope, motivation, desire, enthusiasm, ambition, etc., etc.

As part of that preparation, I found this scripture, and I thought, "This is what so many in the world are calling the "law of attraction."
D&C 88: 40

40 For ^aintelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; ^bwisdom receiveth wisdom; ^ctruth embraceth truth; ^dvirtue loveth virtue; ^elight cleaveth unto light; ^fmercy hath ^gcompassion on mercy and claimeth her own; ^hjustice continueth its course and claimeth its own; judgment goeth before the face of him who sitteth upon the throne and governeth and executeth all things.

In my mind, this says we attract, or connect with, what we are. What is great is that if we can see where we're at in terms of knowledge or progression, or "light," then we can seek out others who have more light. We can consciously make an effort to be near them, associate with them, learn from them, "cleave" unto them. For example, simple stories about Apostles' lives and their family relationships provide streams of insight into how a disciple's life really looks - the mechanics of it. Seeing this has helped me desire to modify various things in my life, from my vocabulary, to my choice of entertainment, for example. As I've tried to become more like the people that I admire who have intelligence, wisdom, truth, virtue, light, etc., I've truly seen this scripture in action. It naturally breeds new relationships, new circles of friends, new thoughts, goals, new levels of conversation, etc.

What I want for myself, and for other women (I'm passionate about "women's issues") is joy and peace - because I see the opposite occurring more and more often. I want to share some points from the Joseph Smith lesson that excited me. I believe they are keys to joy and peace:

D&C 93:36-43

36 The ^aglory of God is ^bintelligence, or, in other words, ^clight and truth.

37 Light and truth forsake that ^aevil one.

38 Every ^aspirit of man was ^binnocent in the beginning; and God having ^credeemed man from the ^dfall, men became again, in their infant state, ^einnocent before God.

39 And that ^awicked one cometh and ^btaketh away light and truth, through ^cdisobedience, from the children of men, and because of the ^dtradition of their fathers.

40 But I have commanded you to bring up your ^achildren in ^blight and truth.

41 But verily I say unto you, my servant Frederick G. Williams, (OR ANY OF US) you have continued under this condemnation;

42 You have not ^ataught your children light and truth, according to the commandments; and that wicked one hath power, as yet, over you, and this is the cause of your ^baffliction.

43 And now a commandment I give unto you—if you will be delivered you shall set in ^aorder your own house, for there are many things that are not right in your house.

I love that last line - how much time is wasted criticizing others, or justifying ourselves b/c we're somehow "doing better" than someone else. Here's the council to set our own house in order. Are we teaching truth and light to our children? We cannot GIVE what we don't HAVE. How much truth and light do we seek after, obtain and radiate? If we don't have it, what are we giving our children?
(the following are excerpts from my lesson)

"I have noted, over time, perhaps some of you have too, in various church settings, a commonly held belief among us as LDS women. It is the idea that it is not our role, our responsibility, or perhaps our capability to be “scriptorians.” Many times, I’ve heard a woman begin a statement by saying, “I’m no scriptorian, but…” And I ask myself, “Why not?” Where or when did some of us learn this verse: (Sung to the tune of “As Sisters in Zion”)

'As sisters in Zion we’re not held accountable, for doctrines of truth taught in scriptural books. If we but keep busy we’ll seem like we’re righteous, we’ll go through the motions in words and in looks.'

I feel the underlying belief comes, not from any gospel source, rather from a cultural and societal norm that teaches that women are not intellectuals and are not capable of comprehending complex thought. The gospel teaches otherwise:

D&C 42:61 If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive ^arevelation upon revelation, ^bknowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the ^cmysteries and ^dpeaceable things—that which bringeth ^ejoy, that which bringeth life eternal.

Last paragraph 263 Quote from JS. “Great joy and satisfaction continually beamed in the countenances of the School of the Prophets, and the Saints, on account of the things revealed, and our progress in the knowledge of God.”

Joy and satisfaction come from learning truths – a remedy for discouragement and despair.

Under new heading on page 265– “Knowledge is necessary to life and godliness.” Woe unto those…”knowledge is the power of God unto salvation.”

“Knowledge does away with darkness, suspense and doubt; for these cannot exist where knowledge is.”

Page 266 “Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. (The converse, then, is true also: whatever ignorance we maintain, will also rise with us.) And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another he will have so much the advantage in the world to come.”

I’d like to challenge one other assumption common among some LDS women, that the priesthood brethren automatically know the gospel better than others, b/c of their calling or authority, or perhaps they served a full time mission. I believe this is an illusion, and a copout. I speak as a woman AND as a returned missionary and I’ll tell you that it is NOT whether or not someone has served a mission, a person’s scriptural/gospel knowledge is a direct reflection of his/her individual effort to learn it. “And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience…” That opportunity to KNOW is open, and commanded, for all of us.

Have you ever noticed when the Prophet, Apostles and other leaders speak, they often quote or refer to writings from great classics – be it classics in music, theater or literature? Have you heard them recommend that we study from ALL good books? Do they often quote from CNN? Reality TV, or American Idol? Where do they spend their time? If we want to be as they are, we must follow in their footsteps.

Page 268 last paragraph – “God hath not revealed anything to Joseph, but what He will make known unto the Twelve, and even the least Saint may know all things as fast as he is able to bear them, for the day must come when no man need say to his neighbor, Know ye the Lord; for all shall know Him…from the least to the greatest.”

NO excuses – these blessings and promises are not reserved for the elite only – “even the least Saint may know all things…”

I bear you my testimony that these things ARE true! As women, and daughters of God, we ARE intellectuals. We ARE capable of comprehending complex thought. Light and knowledge will be given to any who seeks it, honestly, with a commitment to act upon the knowledge given - which may require us to change the way we think, speak, and relate to others.

Cloth Diaper Update

Nighttime cover
Daytime diaper

These are the cloth diapers we've been using for about 2 months now - and I love it. (from www.comfybummy.com) Mostly I love walking PAST the diapers at Costco and thinking that's a thing of the past! The first few days it was a little overwhelming - but then I learned some strategies and techniques and now, it's just the way we do things.
Tips:
1. Our laundry room/bathroom has a shower with a detachable spray nozzle. Brilliant! For Maika's messy diapers, I just change him in the bathroom and use the shower to spray him clean. Then I quickly swish the diaper in the potty (No, I don't stick my hand in the dirty water, or need gloves. I just hold one end of the diaper and swish it in the water.) Then I drop it in the dry, diaper bucket.
2. I take two plastic bags with me in the diaper bag in case of stinky diapers while out. I just tie them up and take care of them at home. My life is flexible enough that I can wait til after the a.m. BM's before we take off for our adventures for the day.
3. I use cloth wipes, too. I have large, plastic canisters that I put purified water in (just out of the fridge dispenser) and mix with 2 tbsp of olive oil and 2 tbsp of antibacterial handsoap. I swish that all together then stuff the canister full of cloth rags that are from t-shirts of Sai's I cut up. The dirty wipes just go in the diaper bucket.
4. I have leftover disposable diapers and commercial wipes for certain people and times (babysitters - don't want to freak them out!)
5. Laundering - This took some learning - now it's easy!
1st batch is with COLD water on a high water level. Use just 1/4 of a scoop of detergent. Then the best, natural cleaner is a BIOKLEEN brand (found at health food store and recommended by diaper company). Just add 2 tbsp. Once water is full and has swished, I let them soak about 1/2 hour then continue cycle.
2nd Cycle - turn on hot water wash and add 1/4-1/2 cup of Baking Soda. This cleans and deoderizes. Now they come out stain free and smelling nice.
I couldn't find the plain Biokleen detergent, so I use Biokleen Oxygen Plus bleach with my cold cycle wash. What I've learned is that most detergents, esp liquid ones, lock in grime and stink b/c they're so heavy and chemical. Biokleen and Baking Soda are great at stripping things clean of all that build up. White vinegar will also help remove detergent build up and clothes don't smell like vinegar. I also use the Biokleen in concentrate in a spray bottle. For messy ones, I just squirt some of the concentrate on the stain before dropping it in the bucket.

Just wanted to share - it's not hard. I'm so glad I switched now. I feel better about the environmental impact.

This is a random addition -
I was reading the Presidential Report from BYU-Hawaii last week and just came across page 13 and found a picture with my boys, Aisea (in front) and Sikeli (last) riding on a Fijian raft at the PCC. That was taken over a year ago. Oh, how we miss that place!!!

All I Want For Christmas... HEALTHY KIDS!!!

Beginning on Oct. 21st when we returned from our family trip to DC, my three boys and I got a most annoying cough and congestion/runny nose. I could feel it coming on during the plane ride home - how I wish they had high grade air purifiers on those things that would kill bacteria in the air. I started to get all paranoid about all the germs - the dead skin cells on the seats, the germs on the tray tables, and wondering how many other kids had licked that window before Aisea! I couldn't wait to get out of there!

Anyway - I have done away with cough syrups for kids b/c a) they don't work and b) they don't work. (There's research that supports this, primarily for kids 3 and under). So I began loading us down daily - echinacea, fenugreek, thyme, chewable vitamins, liquid, no dairy products, no OJ (b/c it does produce mucus - like dairy does - and thus provides a host for goobers. Info provided by naturopaths). My mom asked me one morning, as I prepared our daily doses before breakfast, if I needed a pharmaceutical license to do what I was doing.

Well, it dragged on and on, literally until the end of last week! (From October!) I FINALLY did follow through with tips from a woman I met named Jaleeta. She has raised 9 children to adulthood and said only 2 ever had antibiotics. Her husband is an herbalist. She had recommended that I use tea tree oil. I was too busy trying everything else and just when I was about to crack and go to the medical clinic - it was closed. (What a blessing!) Then I remembered Jaleeta's suggestion and went to the health food store and found a small bottle of 100% pure tea tree oil. I knew it needed a carrier oil and asked an employee about putting it with Vicks Vapor Rub. She was okay with that - so off I went.
Well, I'm just here to say that Vicks and Tea Tree Oil are my new best friends. In 2 days, I was so much better and my kids too! Here are the tricks -
First, I had learned a while back that a great nighttime cough remedy is to rub vicks into your (or your kids') feet and put socks on to sleep. If you think this sounds quirky, then you just don't know that the feet are anchored to the whole body and have a great power to absorb and it has worked time and time again for us in lieu of cough syrup. I use it on myself and know for myself that just shortly after applying it, I can sleep w/out coughing.
So this time I did the feet thing, with Vicks and then a drop or two of tea tree oil too, rubbing it all in the feet and then some across the chest.
MIRACLES!
Here's to you, Vicks and Tea Tree Oil - It looks like I'll get my Christmas wish!

Thoughts on Reading from My Mission Comp

Under my "Non-Reader Conversion Story" entry, I mentioned my mission comp. I failed to mention that I love her guts! She sent me this comment in an email and I like it so much, I want to share it. She has been an inspiration to me when it comes to reading great works. (Even if she doesn't think that audio books are considered "reading"). She knows so much about history and literature, it blows me away. And I just had an "ah-hah" (Oprah would be so proud) that her love of great literature and poignant, touching human relationships portrayed in that great literature, is why she is the most kind person I know. She used to rub the heads of strange kids as we passed them on the streets of Spain. I, on the other hand, was afraid of getting lice or something worse - you never know where these kids have been! Her journal entries about our days as missionaries were also filled with clever, witty, moving and tangible descriptions of the people we met and places we went, while mine were much, much more focused on sarcasm - which was my antidote for serving in Spain. Here's what she had to say:
"Whenever people say they don't like to read or they are not good at it, I think, "They just haven't found the right kind of books." People will read what interests them whether it's the sports page or Tacitus. Reading is so important, and more so with children. Children first learn by watching their parents. When children see parents reading, they become interested in reading. I wasn't that interested in reading when I was a kid. I watched my older sister reading and thought, "There must be something to this stuff because she does it for hours." When I finished my first book, Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Crooked Chimney, I was so proud of myself I went into the kitchen and told my whole family. Ever since then I have cried over too many books to count. I have laughed outloud over Aristophanes. I threw Dostoyevsky across the room. While reading Pride and Prejudice I shouted, "He loves her! Darcy really loves her!" And while I can't remember the plot of any TV shows I watched in tenth grade, I sure remember crying my eyes out at midnight finishing Of Mice and Men. That's something you want to give your children. Whenever I am faced with how little common sense I seem to have, I think to myself, "I may not know a whole lot about the practical things of life, but I know heaps of beautiful things that make life worth living." And alot of those things I learned from books."
By our "Aunt Nit" (as my kids call her - her name is Nic, short for Niccole).

Marriage Insight from Gottman

I am preparing for a new calling starting in January, to teach the church's Marriage and Family relationship class - it's a new course curriculum produced by LDS Family Services. That is what led me to review some secular marital material. (Have no fear, I went with info. from an author who is quoted in the church's instructor's manual.)

"The Relationship Cure" by the foremost renowned researcher on marriage and family relationships, John Gottman, has provided me with a simple, yet powerful concept I want to share.

In studying marriages, Gottman and team has found evidence that suggests that success or failure of a relationship directly relates to the "emotional connectedness" of the couple. Being connected does not happen in grandiose ways, during special events, or with fanfare, it happens up to 100 times per hour in situations such as dinner around the table.

Gottman has identified what he calls "bids" for emotional connection. Bids are a spouse's plea or request for connection. The "bids" can range from being overt to covert, such as, "I want to go to bed with you," or, "How was your day?" The level of emotional connection is a result of how these "bids" are received. They happen frequently when couples are interacting and happily married couples have patterns of receiving and responding to each other's "bids" in a positive manner.

Gottman says that there are 3 types of responses to "bids." They are: #1 - Turing towards, #2 Turning Away, or #3 Turning against.

When a bid - or request for attention/connection - is offered, the other spouse does one of the aforementioned 3 things. Turning toward the "bidder" means that the other spouse acknowledges the bid and interacts with the bidder, connects, & engages in communication in some way. This acknowledgement of a "bid" allows the "bidder" to feel heard, validated, loved, .... connected emotionally. Turning away is when the spouse ignores the bid, completely disconnected from the "bidder's" invitation for closeness. Turning against is when the spouse responds abruptly, annoyed, critically, antagonistically, etc. to the other's "bid." As you can imagine, couples that have this third pattern and those that commonly end in divorce.

This new understanding came at a great time for me. It gives words and even an avenue to obtaining what I've been after - a deeper friendship with my spouse. As newlyweds at Wymount (married student housing at BYU) we used to chuckle at the frequent counsel from our leaders to have a date night every week. They always said how important it was to continue courting after marriage. For us, at that point, every day was "date night." We were both in school, we had no TV, we had home cooked meals 3 times a day (not from a box) and we talked and exchanged ideas ALL THE TIME. We also attended the temple every week. Life was pretty much perfect! (If only we'd realized it then!!!) So it was impossible to imagine that our friendship would ever shift.

Joke's on us!

Three (nearly 4) children later - we look more like a tag team parenting troupe or referees at a WWF World Championship, jumping in and out of the "organized chaos" (that we call our family), than 2 best friends. We're still committed to our covenants, we still have the same foundation for our relationship, but we do not always do well with Gottman's "bidding." That will all change now that we get it, however. It already has.

Just wanted to share this. I'm amazed at what can be learned through the library - who would have guessed? (I know, I know, all you readers out there have known it all along!) And the best thing - it's free! I hope to have a home library someday, but I've decided that moving every few months, especially across the ocean at times, is not conducive to shipping loads of books, and that having a "home library" might work well if we have a "home" first.

"Non-Reader" Conversion Story

A mission companion once told me that listening to a book on tape/CD does not count as having "read" the book. I beg to differ - being very high on the auditory learner end of the spectrum. I tend to think I can absorb the same amount of knowledge as one who "read" the book with her eyes. After much debate (what else is there to do at night in your mission apartment???) we still differed on this subject - so when President Hinckley asked all members to "Read the Book of Mormon," I wondered what HE would think of those of us who listened to it????

Over three years ago, I came in contact with an educational paradigm - Thomas Jefferson Education - and it drastically changed my life.

I was invited to a youth camp (Youth For America, held annually) to observe. I arrived just before the adolescents did, and found a seat in the welcome room. I watched as each of them arrived at their camp orientation. Youth came from various states and Canada, some meeting each other for the first time, others were return participants. I marveled at their maturity in interacting one with another - introducing themselves, being assertive, seemingly quite secure, not the "typical" teenage scene (generally highly regarded as a time of insecurity). As the youth were seated and the orientation began, the speaker asked, "Who knows who Montesque is?" I was lost - the first question of the day, and I was lost! I was thinking, "Wait, Montegue (?) is Romeo and Juliet - not that I 've ever read it, or seen it, but I think that's the name. But that's not what this guy said???"

There was a low mumbling of answers, like in Sunday school when the teacher asks something as common as, "How can we communicate with Heavenly Father?" I heard the boy next to me say, "We know, he wrote the Spirit of the Laws."

"Okay, wait - What planet are these people from?" I thought. This was in 2005 - I had not just crawled out of a hole, or so I thought. I'd graduated from college, and graduate school - I thought I had earned an education. I had been married 3 years, I just had my 2nd child, but I had NO IDEA what these "teens" were discussing - and it went downhill from there.

What they were discussing, I later discovered, was a great philospher whose ideas were well known by our country's founding fathers and upon which a great degree of our country's constitution is founded.

But at the time, I had NO IDEA. What I did have in that moment, was, in psychological terms, an "existential crisis." That is what happens when everything you are, everything you know to be true, is suddenly challenged, or seemingly shattered in an instant, and you're left to figure out up from down, truth from error, and where you fit in all of the broken pieces.

My "shattering" was this: All my life I thought that "getting an education" meant going to school. And that going to college (and doing well) and then graduate school, was considered a "good education" especially for a girl my age. As I sat with these youth, however, who, throughout the day discussed subjects way over my head and articulated their "missions in life" and how they were making a "difference in the world," I began to shrink, wondering, "What did I learn in the past 18 years of school???" I felt like a preschooler among scholars.

I had a do or die moment. I could either choose to crawl into a hole and die of shame, or, enroll in a fresh pursuit of obtaining an "education."

Thus, in 2005 I entered the "preschool" of Thomas Jefferson Education (which is the modality from which these particular youth had emerged).

The first incorrect assumption I had to rid myself of was the long held belief that I could learn without reading. Having acquired that belief in elementary school, and having proven throughout ALL of my schooling years that I could "succeed" (meaning get top grades in classes I chose to succeed in) without cracking a book or dusting my feet at a library door, I had to buckle down and start at the beginning. A real education, I came to believe, comes from the study of classics - in every subject - classics can only be studied by reading them (or, listening to them, perhaps :) They cannot be transmitted through textbook summaries. I swallowed my pride and officially (I did announce it to the world) converted from a proud, "non-reader" to a "reader."

My first book was Les Miserables - the unabridged version. Loved it! It has taken me years, but I'm still trying, daily, to make myself create the time and space to read.

All of this history, was simply to announce that I had a great day today. The cosmos must have been aligned because I had time to leisurely read and I looked at the stack of books that I'm currently purusing, and I wanted to share my current picks:

Power Birth (Lydi Ronka Owen) - absolutely life changing - the BEST birthing book ever - short, simple, empowering.

The Infinite Power of Hope - Elder Uchtdorf's Oct. conference message. Holy Moly - I have to take it a word at a time b/c he's so darn right on!

What Your first Grader Needs to Know (E.D. Hirsch Jr.) - an educational alternative to "typical" curriculum

Strengthening Marriage - LDS Family Services - a new manual for the church's marriage and family class.

The Relationship Cure - John M. Gottman

and Out of our Minds: Learning to be Creative (Ken Robinson - who I posted earlier on a youtube link).

My goal in this coming week is to share the "ah-hahs" from these picks. I'm just so proud of myself for being a "reader." It's like I've joined a new club or passed some kind of milestone in life, a "coming of age" experience, like getting your first bra. It's like now I'm "one of the girls."

My next problem is finding people to discuss these things with - I'm still an auditory learner, but I guess I read kind of quirky stuff, b/c there's not a whole lot of book clubs out there touting these titles.

However, because I am anti-mass hystery as well, I don't think I'll ever find the right book club for me. I refused to see the movie Titanic (haven't to this day) b/c of the craze. It was so peculiar to be "out of the loop" and observe the hysteria as my girlfriends would talk about it and dreamingly pant over Leonardo. Thus, I also refuse to read Twilight (Can I even spell it?).

Just give me some Gottman and leave me alone. Real life is so much more dramatic than fiction - why go anywhere else?

Ignorance is Bliss...But Knowledge is Joy

I have noticed a pattern in my life: ignorance. Being raised in a culturally encapsulated environment (translation - homogenous group; pretty much white and LDS for starters), in an uneducated, unexposed family environment, I developed the ability (or limitation, rather), to make assumptions and form opinions based on my imaginative perceptions rather than on information or truth. Over the years, through travel, mission, college, work, and living with people from many parts of the world, I have been gratefully blessed with having this ignorance challenged. Over time, I grew to not fear the word "ignorance," nor to be ashamed to admit that, "I am ignorant," because it is not tied to my worth, it's merely a state of having knowledge or a lack of it.

Just the other day, I realized I have had yet another revelation of my former ignorance. The pattern I'm seeing is this: When a subject arises, of which I am ignorant yet have strong assumptions regarding it, I now seek more information from several valid and reliable sources in order to validate, or adapt if necessary, my position. The result has been that as I gain more credible information, I have the tendency to adopt a position on that subject that is outside of the mainstream's value base, or a more "radical" stance than the bulk of society. Not ever being one to feel insecure with peer pressure, this "outsider" position hasn't tortured me, nor tempted me to resist my movement towards a less popular alliance, when my move is based on my values and beliefs. Simply - I am okay with letting others have their beliefs even when mine are different and still being great friends.

What I have noticed is that perhaps this ignorance is a greater part of society at large than simply a reflection of a small town, LDS community and individual family.

There seems to be a tradition of ignorance in our modern American history. There's a broad difference in the education and thoughts of our founding fathers and mothers and the average level of education of an American today.

I digress.

What has brought me to reconsider that perhaps I am not the only ignorant person is being confronted by the uneducated, uninformed oppositions toward some of the choices I am making in my life: homeschooling my children and homebirth. (Just to pick 2).

I do not mean this in a condeming way. The oppositions simply remind ME of the uninformed beliefs I ONCE HELD on the same topics and the persecutions (whether they were verbal or kept to myself) I heaped upon others who have made the choices that I am now making.

I reflect in horror at how determined I WAS that somehow I knew, or knew better, than someone else who was in fact making an educated choice where I was not exercising ANY choice, simply following the popular crowd.

As I thought about these experiences recently, the phrase, "Ignorance is bliss" came to mind and I have challenged it for myself that if it is bliss, than "Knowledge is Joy," because pulling away from the mainstream and living my life in an assertive, empowering, personalized way has been liberating.

I'll get more specific next time.

P.S. Don't be offended - this is my blog - my thoughts - my opinions - it's NOT a reflection of anyone else's worth.

Washington DC trip photos....finally

Dad and Maika at Jefferson's home - Monticello (you can't see the home, but it's a cute pic.)

Little George (Sikeli) at Mt. Vernon, George Washington's plantation. Visiting this spot was Sikeli's goal of the ENTIRE trip. As we walked down the lane, he took my hand and told me this was the best day of his life. At that moment, it was mine, too.

Did we forget Maika? No, he was sleeping in the stroller - but Maika - we DID take you to the White House.

The Capitol. Exciting?

Jefferson's Home - Monticello - another highlight. Jefferson is my hero. What unbelievable genius contributed to the founding of our nation.

Stonewall Jackson's House. (Sikeli demonstrating his position as a Yankee. He made Aisea carry the confederate flag).

Washington and Lee University.

The Air and Space Museum - Smithsonian Institute

Safari Park - feeding animals right from our car!

Washington DC temple.

It's nice to finally get our trip photos uploaded and have a look at them. What great memories.

Halloween

Halloween eating...

Dorothy sneaking a kiss from Lion.

Last Winter we saw the play, The Wizard of Oz. We've been crazy fans ever since.

Using this love as our Halloween theme was a great way for me to participate and enjoy a holiday that I otherwise do not appreciate.

My sister was Glinda, the "Good Witch" and Sai - well, I guess he's "too cool" to dress up. He didn't think the "Great and Powerful Oz" needed any costume.

Where in the world are we?

This is just for the sake of updating, b/c I can't stand to think of my blog - it's like it's in a coma.

This is why:

We came to St. George, Utah, from Aspen the end of September. I started the marathon on Oct. 4th and did 10 miles in the cold, rain. It DOES NOT rain in St. George - just that ONE day in all the days before and since that we've been here! Being 3 months pregnant at that time, I decided the weather was just too much of a stressor and did not want to risk getting pneumonia. I gratefully took the shuttle into town and look forward to next year's marathon.

We took our first ever "learning vacation." (Term coined by Sikeli). Frankly, it was our first vacation that wasn't just a trip home for me from Hawaii or Colorado. We spent 10 days in the Washington DC/Virginia area. For the past year, my boys have been enthralled with US presidents, US wars, slavery, the Constitution and Declaration, etc. Let's just say colonial history up to the Civil War. We kept saying, "When we have the money we'll take them back east to see all these sights they love reading about." I finally realized that my intention with that statement was continually attracting a lack of money. So we set the intention that we WERE going in October and set the dates and did everything AS IF it would happen - and it did. There was a huge miracle that came just 2 weeks before the trip that was totally unpredictable and made the whole thing completely possible.

Setting intentions (i.e. Faith - view previous post if confused) is real. You know those "dream boards" or "vision boards?" They work. This was on our dream board.

So, imagine 10 days with endless questions from my curious children - far too many that I could not answer, such as, "Mom, what countries fought in the Korean war and what were their strategies?" This was my sheepish response, "I don't know, son. Just look at the memorial. We'll get a book on it when we get home."

Really, I tried to do better at other times, this was on the last day and my brain was FRIED!

Some of the highlights -

Thomas Jefferson's home

George Washington's home

Stonewall Jackson's home

White House,.....and all in that neighborhood.

Awesome Smithsonian Institutes

And a safari zoo where you drive your car into a free range zoo, open your van door and feed the animals out of buckets as they come up to, and STICK THEIR HEADS INTO, your van. For real - camels are stinky and scary when they're nose to nose with your child!

So - have been wanting to blog - but guess what? We moved everything from Aspen to St. George (long story) but I can't find the camera cord to download photos.

Sai returned to Aspen last week to work - better job opps than in St. George. He visits on the weekends.

I'm now 21 weeks pregnant - expecting to have a boy - no official info on that yet, however. Planning a homebirth and have a great midwife. "Why didn't I do this before?" is my only question. It's just so much more normal to meet with someone who treats pregnancy and birth as a natural thing and not a disease. I used to think, "But what if something happens during delivery and you need the hospital's equipment and specialties?" But now that I know a little more, I'm embarrassed that I ever thought that! This midwife, I can only speak for her, b/c I don't know others, but she has safely delivered more babies without the need for c-sections, than any doctor I know. She actually knows other techniques besides incisions when things aren't going smoothly. What a concept? Anyway, she's delievered 2 of my friends in the past 2 weeks and has delivered more than 1,000 babies. I'm excited about this journey and thank all of my friends who have been inspirations to me in this area.

I also started using cloth diapers about 2 weeks ago. I searched for months to learn more and finally ordered from comfy bummy online. The main reasons I went this way were:

1 - environmental impact. The hundreds of diapers I personally throw into the environment MONTHLY is a shame.

2 - cost. Research estimates a savings (after all things considered) of $2,000.00 per child over the course of diapering years (0-3).

3 - my children's bodies, i.e. health and comfort. Knowing what I'm putting against their skin is natural.

Do I sound granola yet? Regardless - I'm happier and more content with life than ever before, so, it can't be too crazy.

Creativity in Education

If you are a parent who hopes for the BEST educational opportunities for your children, please watch this brilliant (and humorous) presentation til the end. When you are moved by its contents - decide to do something about it! Don't subject your creative children to a slow, uninspiring, educational death.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY

"I LOVE YOU MORE THAN..."

I was tucking Sikeli, my 4 year old, into bed and I said to him, "I love you more than anything in this whole world!"
He quickly replied with an even BIGGER, BETTER compliment, "I love you more than a box of macaroni and cheese."
I accepted the compliment, choking down the laughter. I knew I was a top rate mom - right up there with Mac & Cheese!!!

Today Sikeli told Sai that there are 3 important people in this world: Barack Obama, Jesus Christ and President Monson.


His 3 year old brother, Aisea, corrected him on one of his nominees: It's John McCain, not Barak Obama!


We have our own little political campaign going on at home, apparently!





CLEARING THE MISTS OF DARKNESS


Building on the last entry about the POWER OF INTENTION, which truly, I believe is FAITH. I wanted to share another component of power. But I'll begin with a little story.


Two years ago, I started training for my 1st marathon. We lived in Laie, Hawaii (sigh....) and I found that running was not about running. (I love Lance Armstrong's book entitled, "It's Not About the Bike." I feel the same about running.) So, while I was running one day, I chose to meditate about a long-term problem I'd had ...anger. Now, this anger, in childhood, was a protection, a defense, I didn't let ANYONE push me around. I remember in 5th grade being teased after school by one of our grade's biggest bullies (TJ Linfante, for those of you who went to East Elementary) and do you know what I did? I shoved him into the bushes and walked home. I often caused fights with my siblings - but they're all too mellow (darn peacemakers) to ever fight back. I sassed my parents (but didn't get to far with that). I discovered, during that personal development class at Dixie College, that I highly value JUSTICE (later discovered that is a common trait among social work professionals). So any time that I felt that I, or anyone else, was being treated unfairly or disrespectfully, I came UNGLUED!


As an adult, the anger, although subdued, could be sparked again with unjustice - if I felt I wasnt' treated fairly in the home, or in public, by an institution, etc. And I'd really get angry with people that I thought were just plain stupid (an indication of an incompetence complex within myself, but that's another story for another therapy session).


So, there I was, running down Naniloa Loop, past the gorgeous BYU-Hawaii campus, heading toward the ocean, and I ask my Creator a question I'd asked myself so many times before, "Why do I STILL have this anger problem? And, "How do I fix it?"


For a minute I rambled on, "I mean, I know that anger is really just a mask for fear - I learned that in therapy classes. And that the antithesis of FEAR is FAITH - so do I just need more FAITH?" That just didn't seem to be enough for me, so I asked again, "Why do I STILL have this anger problem? And, "How do I fix it?"


This time, I shut up and got the answer - it came while running, of all things. But first, came this question, "What is the opposite of Anger?"


"Hmm. Anger is hatred, so I guess the opposite would be love???"


"Yes! That's it." confirmed the Spirit. "The opposite of anger IS love."


"Great. So I just need to love more people?" Came my not-so-satisfied response. That just sounded SO cliche.


"No. You don't need to love more people, you need to love God and be filled with the Love of God."


WOA! "You mean, I'm not?" That stifling reality that I, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was NOT filled with the love of God, was a bit of a blow to my religious ego. However, not hard to admit, in all honesty, that it was true.


From this point on I went home and began a study of the Love of God. "What exactly is the Love of God?" I asked. "Where is it?" And "How do I get it?"


So fast-forward to today, Sept. 19, 2008, I was running again this morning, training for a marathon, and this whole experience came back to my mind. I reflected on how life changing it was for me and truly freeing of 29 years of being burdened by anger in my life.


Just to share what I've learned - It all comes from the Book of Mormon and Lehi's dream. Lehi teaches that the Love of God is the Tree of Life - which bears a fruit more desirable than any other thing. His dream also teaches us how WE can love God and be filled with the Love of God - it comes in the form of an iron rod. Holding to the rod will get us to the tree - it's the path. The iron rod represents the Word of God. That word is the scriptures and words of modern day prophets.


So my answer to years and years of a weakness, a crippling personality trait of anger, was really so simple (as is all of the Gospel of Jesus Christ), "ABSORB THE SCRIPTURES & THE WORDS OF PROPHETS."


I think of a mission companion who once said in her testimony, "I love the scriptures so much, I wish I could eat them." (I thought the pressure of serving in the staunch, Catholic country of Spain had consumed her brain.) Then she continued, "Because if I ate them, then they would become part of me."


What a concept - think of the metaphor - to eat something so that it goes into your body and becomes part of the matter that nourishes and builds every organ, every bone, muscle and cell. Wow. If we could consume, digest and absorb the scriptures, metaphorically speaking, we would be filled with the Love of God.

The Power of Intention

I am so into personal development right now. During my associate degree-seeking days at Dixie College, I took a 1 credit class called "Personal Development" taught by a hippy-style woman that was the coolest person I'd met up 'til that point. I loved the class so much and asked the instructor why it wasn't a required class! Looking back, it was the most beneficial, impactful course of my entire college career! (All for 1 credit.)

Moving on,

Life is about cycles and my current cycle is back into personal development.

This week we have been putting into practice the "power of intention." And I just felt like sharing.

An intention is different than a goal - maybe it's just semantics - but in my mind, they're different.

My own definition of intention is that it is something you're grateful for now, that exists now, but may be currently en route to you. You may not have it, physically, literally, at the moment, but it is an "intention" in your life that is real, possible, perhaps even inevitable AS LONG AS you participate in the equation that predicates its receipt.

Let's see if Mark can explain this better - (Bible, Mark 11:24)

"Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them."

And from the "voice of 2 or 3 witnesses..."

Moroni 7: 26 (Book of Mormon)

"...Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you."

These two examples of intentions introduce, or expound on, an equation, a pattern, an actual formula for obtaining anything. Imagine you're wanting something, praying for it. Is that thing you want suddenly created after your prayer is received? No - it exists already. Where is it? When will it come to you? How will it get to you? Will it ever come to you if you don't instigate its receipt through participation in the equation/formula upon which it is predicated? That's my question - that's my journey.

Will you receive it if you pray for it WITHOUT faith? Without REALLY believing that you deserve, or can possibly receive it? Let's be honest, how many of our prayers are undermined by these negative, fearful, disbelieving feelings? Perhaps only unconsciously for many of us. This will be another topic for another day, but I'm convinced that many of us who consider ourselves to be "faithful" individuals actually run day to day on Premium, Unleaded Fear, not faith. I digress...

What does an INTENTION sound like?

Example, "I am grateful for the home we own."

Is there a home out there for us? I know there is. Am I in it right now? Nope. Am I grateful for it today? Yes!

Example #2, "I am grateful for the successful home birth of my 4th child." Have I delivered yet? Not for another 6 months. Am I grateful for it? Yes!

What is the purpose of having, stating, believing in intentions?

It is the process (literally, the formula/equation/process) of bringing into our lives the things we most desire. Without it, obtaining our desires is as unpredictable and as fleeting as catching, and keeping, a bubble on a toothpick.

Where did all this come from? You ask. I had a nap today. It's amazing how many synapses can fire when I'm not sleep deprived.

Photos and Stuff

Here's more about Mr. Sai, the handsome guy.... So, after 2, 30-day cleanses, he's lost 50 lbs. We found a nice photo from 1 year ago in Hawaii showing the old Sai and wanted to compare it with today's Sai.

Below is a photo from a Nutritional Cleansing Convention I attended in Las Vegas at the beginning of August. Pictured with 2 sisters-in-law, Annie and Fiona, and my cousin, Amanda. We had so much fun!

Next post will be pics of the kids, I promise. They're much cuter than we are!

More details???

It was suggested that I needed to share more details about my pregnancy - due date, etc. But, I don't have anymore details! All I know is that I'm pregnant, there's a bit of discrepancy as to how far along I am.. I honestly have no clue. So, I'll keep you posted as we figure it out!

SIMPLICITY

I'm inspired today by simplicity. Yet it is so difficult to create it in our lives today. I marvel at the constant motion of everything around us, I wonder how we don't exist in a constant state of vertigo. Cell phones buzzing, ringing, dinging, "New Text Message," or "Voicemail." Emails, Ipods, noise, noise, noise and distractions -
When was the last time you tried to read a book to one of your children? What happened? Phone rings, oven timer dings, doorbell chimes, other child starts crying or is hungry, dryer buzzing - more laundry to fold....it's crazy. And for me, it takes a serious effort to BLOCK OUT all of that distraction, and stay focused on the most important - that one on one moment with a child (or two, or three, or soon-to-be four!)
I love where we live - in the mountains, b/c it is far from a city and can help remind me of the need to create a space for SIMPLICITY in my life. Simplicity brings peace, happiness, focus, and closeness of relationships. No wonder there's such drastic opposition to it!

My dream, honestly, is to live on a large plot of land, with a huge, organic garden, a clothesline, a horse or two, and mountains and ocean nearby (likely, in Fiji.) I would wear a skirt or dress nearly every day and sing like Maria VonTrapp to my 10 children. Okay, this fantasy has gone far enough, but that is my dream.

You Know You're Pregnant When....

1. You crave everything but can't stand the sight or smell of anything.
2. You have slept all night but feel like you've been hit by a steamroller when it's time to get out of bed.
3. You feel nausea around dinner time..."hmm, this is unusal???"
4. You leave the library bawling after receiving an unhappy email.
5. You tear the head and neck off of customer service reps who do not effectively and efficiently solve your problems the first time you call.
6. You feel like just getting to and through church meetings on Sundays has the same effect on your body as running a marathon (okay, maybe this applies to just any time when you have 3 boys under the age of 5).
7. Your husband can't do anything right.

So why did I need to take the pregnancy test? Just to confirm it, I guess.
YES, WE ARE EXPECTING BABY #4!

Pictures, Finally

As promised, here are some before and after shots. These are from our 30 day cleansing experience. We are so glad we did it and we're continuing to learn about health and nutrition. We learned that .... we have a lot to learn!