Lincoln's Birthday Party

We recently held a birthday party for Abraham Lincoln. We have enjoyed learning about "Honest Abe" and wanted to honor him for his birthday. We invited our cousins and a few friends over for a few activities, cake and ice cream, and then, A VISIT FROM ABE HIMSELF!

Update on Meditation

My "ah-hah."
In what state of mind do you receive revelation/spiritual inspiration? Past, present or future?
Easy question, isn't it?
The present. The Holy Ghost cannot speak to you in the past or the future, right?
Now, honestly, out of 100% of your day, what percentage do you think you spend in meditation, or in other words, in the present?
My brother answered by saying, "About 2%."
Phenomenal!
That 2% has an interesting correlation with what brain research shows in the book The Answer. It states that our conscious minds account for about 2-4% of our daily activity and that our unconscious minds control 96-98% of what takes place in our lives.
How much of our lives, then, is directed by the Spirit?
What spurred this was reading Julie Beck's testimony in the March 2009 Ensign. On page 19 she states, "Each sister should seek to have the Holy Ghost guide her." It is such a common sentiment in our church, that it's almost unnoticeable. However, I've had meditation and being in the present on my mind. So I asked myself, "When can the Holy Ghost speak to me?"
It is true that most of us spend most of our day in the past or the future. Yet, many of us would agree that our goal is to "live by the Spirit." Well, perhaps there's more of a formula or behavioral approach to accomplishing that goal than we think. Maybe it takes more physiological effort than simply stating that as a desire in our conscious minds.
MEDITATE ON THAT!
...and you have GOT to watch this! It makes me want to run to the top of a mountain and shout for joy!

Thanks Quincy!
WE ARE CREATORS - BUT WE CANNOT CREATE IN THE PAST OR IN THE FUTURE. CREATION HAPPENS NOW - "MEDITATE AND CREATE" Angel Naivalu

WHAT IS MEDITATION?

I learned something cool today: meditation is being in the present.








Why is that so amazing? Because it is SO RARE! For a while I've thought about how most (if not all) of human emotional problems/issues, whatever you want to call them, originate out of people living (or dwelling momentarily) in the past or fearing the future. Harboring feelings from the past of pain, trauma, loneliness, rejection, judgment, resentment, jealousy, loss, .....whatever it is... this occupies our minds. Our thoughts dictate our emotions. Going deeper, to the unconscious mind, our beliefs dictate our thoughts.
Other people have fears and phobias. These can relate to incidents from the past - past incidents may have formulated very strong beliefs and so we project them into the future with fear. Anxiety, worry, anticipation, "what ifs"..... concern about the future cause us more trouble.
Being in the present = meditation. The unconscious mind does not know the difference between past and future - everything is present. So when we are literally totally focused on the moment, we are open to the power of our unconscious mind.
Don't get what I'm talking about? Pick a time, whether you're alone, with kids, spouse, anyone, and try to be present - meaning, focus on every one of your 5 senses and what you're experiencing in that moment. See how hard it is to keep your conscious mind on track.
Coolest exercise I discovered - take a bath. Slip down into the water til your ears are under water. This will bring you right into the present as you can hear your own breathing AND your heartbeat. Focus on that. See how long you can stay focused on that.
I now realize that we don't live in the present very often or easily - and we therefore miss a lot of inspiration that comes in the present - not in the past or future - but in the present.
This is BIG for me - just try it. See what happens with your kids or your spouse when you are with them and TOTALLY PRESENT. Amazing.
(Thanks Kami Mitchell!)

Mentoring Moments

Leadership Education (an educational philosophy AND a book title) have done more for me as a parent than any other single source. It has revolutionized how I view education for myself and my children, enhanced the role I take on in my children's education, and it has significantly raised my expectations of human potential in general.

One principle from this philosophy is known as "mentoring." "Mentors, not professors," is based on the principle that a mentor is an individual with an area of expertise or knowledge who is committed to conveying her/his knowledge through inspiring teaching methods, such as:

• starting where the student is,
  
• pacing with the student's interest and understanding, and
  
• promoting exceptional growth by challenging the student in ways that push him/her right up to the edge of comfort and ability.

In contrast, a typical professor/student relationship is more hierarchical in nature where the professor is elevated by his/her expertise and is invested in providing lectures and the student's job is to absorb whatever the professor teaches.


Also, the mentor relationship is generally one on one.

Mentors are first, parents, and then anyone who assumes or is assigned that role.

I have been astounded by this one concept alone. The power and potential in it is phenomenal. I have had loads of professors in my life, K-12, associates program, bachelor's program and masters program, and really only 2-3 "mentors" among all of them. It was those mentors, however, who shaped my self-esteem, character, knowledge and skills, and passions more than all of the other teachers combined. The point: it doesn't take a lot of teachers to educate a child.

As I've read examples of mentoring relationships, I realized that as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have access to amazing people right within our own little congregations. There is a potential mentor for nearly any general subject one could conceive of, and with a little searching, maybe to a stake level or beyond, likely a mentor on any specialty subject as well.

This introduction is all to explain what happened today. Sikeli (5) has been fascinated with the Prophet Joseph Smith for a while now. He loves to be read the Friend magazine clips on stories from the prophet's life. He dresses up like Joseph and loves to ask questions about him. I decided to provide him with his first, "official" mentoring session outside of our family setting. In our ward, living just around the corner about 3 houses away, is Gracia Jones. She is a Deseret Book author (a few of her books shown above) and the great-great granddaughter of Joseph and Emma Smith. She is also the first baptized descendant of the prophet. A potential mentor? Could it get any better than that?

I sat by her Thursday at a Relief Society function and just asked her if she'd have 3o minutes when Sikeli could come to her house and ask questions about the prophet. She said Friday would be great. When I told Sikeli on Friday morning, what he was going to get to do, he immediately dressed in his "Joseph clothes," and was ready to head out the door. I dropped him off with Sister Jones and when I returned, he had lots of stories to tell me. He had held some household items that had belonged to Emma and held and felt a replica of a death mask of the prophet.

Do you think this is at least as effective as an FHE or primary lesson on the Prophet Joseph Smith? Like I said, this one principle, mentoring, has opened my eyes to unlimited possibilities in my children's education. I have to take the lead, I have to search them out and set them up, I have to expose my children, but then, I just sit back and watch.

GET THE BOOK! Leadership Education - by Oliver DeMille

Naivalu parenting motto: We are NOT raising children, we're raising leaders.

What's Guiding YOUR Life Right Now?

(Not his real hair!)
Maika - 19 months Aisea 3 1/2 Sikeli 5
Above and beyond all else - these 3 guide my life!!!

I love learning from other people!!! I love it when friends share what they're learning and doing. So often, their examples lead me to find new passions in my own life.

I had the most amazing weekend! I travelled to northern Utah, BY MYSELF!!! (Can you believe it?) I was able to visit some friends and help my cousin at a bridal show. I loved visiting old friends and I realized that email, phone and blogging does not cut it in terms of maintaining relationships. So much more happens with face to face conversation.

The themes in my life seemed to repeat themselves at each home, as I shared what interests me these days. In light of this experience, I thought I 'd make a list of "My Favorite Things" that have greatly impacted my learning:

1. The book entitled, "The Answer" by John Assaraf and Murray Smith The title can be misleading as it includes something about "how to grow any business" - do not be deceived! The information pertains to every day life. It shares a lot about neuroscience and the latest understandings of the conscious and unconscious minds, how to identify irrational beliefs and how to re-write them. It is life changing.

2. Book - "Leadership Education" by Oliver DeMille. This can be ordered through the George Wythe University bookstore - http://www.gw.edu/. This is the educational paradigm we use in our family. Whether you're homeschooling or public schooling, this amazing book can show you a new way to think about education and can be implemented into your family culture as you see fit. You do not have to homeschool to be greatly blessed by this book. I Love it!

3. Book "Out of Our Minds" By Sir Ken Robinson - a researched backed look at educational & social paradigms and their exclusion of creativity as a standard part of curriculum and as a valued aspect of civilization, respectively. The irony presented is that what is needed now, more than ever, in the workplace, in leadership, etc. is.....CREATIVITY. We are moving into a new era - a shift equal to that which took place in the past as we merged from an agricultural civilization into an industrial one, then from industrial into technology, we are now in a new shift. Old ways of thinking will not work in the current, global market. Great book.

These are my "food for thought" nuggets.

4. As for my physical body, We are still way into cleansing and love the products from Isagenix. We see the benefits in our own family and extended family and friends. We also support the mission of the company.http://www.wellness.within.isagenix.com/

5. Spiritually - Loving the November '08 Ensign. It's so interesting how much of it fits into and lends support, or clarifies, rather, to the other things I've been reading. Also the Strengthening Marriage course manual produced by the church and LDS Family Services.

6. Homebirth - a little manual called "Powerbirth" that also comes with a DVD - the single best education on homebirth. This is so simple and obviously natural to understand and to implement. Recommended for anyone who is curious about homebirths. Also, the DVD "The Business of Being Born" It's a must. If you are for or anti homebirth, this is an education - very provacative for one's thinking.

This is where I'm at right now and what's guiding my life.

Please share with me what is guiding YOUR life right now and what your "favorite things" are.

I'm on a ROLL!

Another book! I'm working on this one right now, bit by bit. I attended a retreat this past weekend where this book was heavily referenced. I love the scientific information about brain function. It is addressed towards building a business, but quite readily gives examples in personal and relationship areas as well.
The biggest "ah-hahs" for me so far are:
1. There is no empty space anywhere. Beyond molecules, atoms, then protons/neurons, the smallest discovered elements of the universe are called "energy." Beyond that, "information," which I interpret as "intelligence." Where have I heard that before?
2. Everything, and everyone, is connected by energy - in grad school we learned of Carl Jung's "collective unconscious," and it seems well explained here.
3. A summary of my reading to this point, in my own words, "Our lives are our thoughts materialized."
Mosiah 4:30 has profoundly new meaning.
"But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not. "
WATCH OUR THOUGHTS. How do we do that? Just observe everything that exists in our close proximity, physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, financially....It's all an illustration/depiction of (created by) our thoughts. Hmmm.

Recommended Reading

Here I am, recommending a book - comical. (Me, not the book).
I read this in one night. Easy read, but so real. McCarthy was frank about her feelings and experiences leading up to, and dealing with, the discovery that her son had autism. She seemed so female to me - meaning, her thoughts and actions were just so typical of being a woman and a mom and I found it easy to relate to her (well, mostly). I have been drawn to autism since I was a peer tutor in elementary school in the special ed. classroom. Since then I have been able to help with preschool kids with autism and volunteered one summer at NACD (www.nacd.org) in Ogden, UT. NACD is an agency that has tremendous results in working with autism, basically eradicating the symptoms of it, using many of the forms of treatment similar to those McCarthy discovered and applied with her son.
I love how she states she earned a PhD in Google Research. What a blessing the internet is to moms! I also loved the 3 references to Mormon missionaries, yet felt frustrated that she didn't get that they were a direct answer to her pleas to God for direction and that they came to her door at times when she desparately needed them.
I recommend this book to all women b/c the biggest lessons can be applied to any of us:
1. Take your burdens to the Lord - follow His direction - miracles will happen.
2. Follow your female intuition - you're right. Do not be intimidated by male institutions and those institutions that attempt to control or dominate with power and prestige (it's often lights and smoke).
3. Find a cause - figure out what you were born to do and do it! Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi).

Party Planning Insights

It just happened. I noticed. And I am grateful.

I have been preparing for my son's birthday party. His interest in Knights led easily into a party theme. Without premeditation, the actual party planning and preparation taught me an important lesson: children, character, memories and love are more important than the outcome.

It seems an obvious lesson, but here's what happened. I came up with ideas for decorations, games, food, costumes, etc. Then when it came time to construct and paint the cardboard castle, I decided to invite my boys to help paint. However, I had one moment of, "If they help, it will be so messy, take longer, be more difficult...." and then I heard my own thoughts. "What am I thinking!?! Of course they need to help paint it!"
Luckily, my dad and brother took over the "design and construction" portion, and, without volunteering, supervised the painting too. I was putting crowns together and watching out the window as my boys giggled, shouted and squealed over the experience. Watching their joy as cardboard was transformed before their eyes into a knight's castle was one of the greatest moments of my life. All at once, I saw the layers of meaning: participation, work, teamwork, contribution toward a final project, intergenerational mentoring, stewardship, memories, responsibility, capability, creativity, .... and of course, plain, old, messy, fun.

They made something that will last beyond the hours of the party. It will be their castle. I hear them say it's "SO AWESOME!"

I thought about how easy it is, as the mother, to plan, prepare and DO everything. I thought about being able to BUY everything for a "fun themed party." And then I compared it with what took place: "What's the point?" I thought. "Of a fancy, decorated, theme party of which the kids had no part in preparing? What's cool about that?"

I was taught by a mentor greater than myself, in this situation, that "doing it the right way" is not about how the end result will look to myself or anyone else, but how it is perceived by the child(ren).

"Grandpa" Wells has taught that great parenting, and the development of good character, do not occur in the grandiose events of childhood. Rather, they develop over "a thousand small moments of parenting." This was one of those moments that will surely leave a tatoo on their souls.

PRAY ALWAYS - Elder Bednar

I am finally doing something I've considered doing for years: Reading the General Conference issue of the Ensign magazine (of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), article by article and studying each message and trying to apply it to my life.
I can't get over it. How could that much "gold" be dropped in my lap every 6 months??? It's one thing to hear it, but quite another to read it (okay, Nic, reading books may bring a different power than listening to audiobooks).
On pg 41, Elder Bednar talks about prayer. His 1st principle is that, "Prayer becomes more meaningful as we counsel with the Lord in ALL our doings."
"How do I apply this?" I thought. The idea came that by writing down "all my doings," all that I want/need to get done, and taking them, one by one, to the Lord. It reminds me of how Sai helps me when I'm feeling stressed. He'll say, "List the things that are bothering you, or that you have to get done." When I list them, it's generally about 5 things and right off, that doesn't seem as overwhelming as it had when they were all meshed together in my head.
Next he'll take on the things he can do to help - pointing out that I don't have to do everything.
Then, he helps me break down the other things into manageable "bites" to accomplish them with ease.
I realized that Sai has patterned for me exactly what the Lord can do, too, if I were to counsel with Him in ALL of my doings.
Another insight came from our "Grandpa" (Gawain) Wells (BYU Professor of psychology, author, etc.) He once stated that when he's working on writing (for publication, for a talk, etc.) That he starts with a prayer, asking the Lord to help him write truth and the things the Lord would have him say. Then, in an act of TRUE FAITH, he writes - and he trusts that what comes out on paper is being assisted from the Lord.
I've thought about how I may ask the Lord for help with something like that, and then I go forth with anxiety and doubt and work and re-work something according to my own will and mind.
What if I followed Elder Bednar's counsel and took each concern to the Lord, prayed with real faith, and then just followed the inspiration that came, without second guessing it? Well, we'll see what comes of it. I've made my list and there are currently 7 items on it (I must be more stressed than I thought:)

Knowledge = Salvation

Joseph Smith on Knowledge

Many people are buzzing about the "law of attraction." I had the opportunity to substitute in Relief Society 2 Sundays ago and teach the lesson (chp 22 from the Joseph Smith manual) on Gaining Knowledge of Eternal Truths. It was so fun for me because the topic is one I'm passionate about - being a converted "reader." I marvel at how gaining knowledge brings joy. It spawns hope, motivation, desire, enthusiasm, ambition, etc., etc.

As part of that preparation, I found this scripture, and I thought, "This is what so many in the world are calling the "law of attraction."
D&C 88: 40

40 For ^aintelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; ^bwisdom receiveth wisdom; ^ctruth embraceth truth; ^dvirtue loveth virtue; ^elight cleaveth unto light; ^fmercy hath ^gcompassion on mercy and claimeth her own; ^hjustice continueth its course and claimeth its own; judgment goeth before the face of him who sitteth upon the throne and governeth and executeth all things.

In my mind, this says we attract, or connect with, what we are. What is great is that if we can see where we're at in terms of knowledge or progression, or "light," then we can seek out others who have more light. We can consciously make an effort to be near them, associate with them, learn from them, "cleave" unto them. For example, simple stories about Apostles' lives and their family relationships provide streams of insight into how a disciple's life really looks - the mechanics of it. Seeing this has helped me desire to modify various things in my life, from my vocabulary, to my choice of entertainment, for example. As I've tried to become more like the people that I admire who have intelligence, wisdom, truth, virtue, light, etc., I've truly seen this scripture in action. It naturally breeds new relationships, new circles of friends, new thoughts, goals, new levels of conversation, etc.

What I want for myself, and for other women (I'm passionate about "women's issues") is joy and peace - because I see the opposite occurring more and more often. I want to share some points from the Joseph Smith lesson that excited me. I believe they are keys to joy and peace:

D&C 93:36-43

36 The ^aglory of God is ^bintelligence, or, in other words, ^clight and truth.

37 Light and truth forsake that ^aevil one.

38 Every ^aspirit of man was ^binnocent in the beginning; and God having ^credeemed man from the ^dfall, men became again, in their infant state, ^einnocent before God.

39 And that ^awicked one cometh and ^btaketh away light and truth, through ^cdisobedience, from the children of men, and because of the ^dtradition of their fathers.

40 But I have commanded you to bring up your ^achildren in ^blight and truth.

41 But verily I say unto you, my servant Frederick G. Williams, (OR ANY OF US) you have continued under this condemnation;

42 You have not ^ataught your children light and truth, according to the commandments; and that wicked one hath power, as yet, over you, and this is the cause of your ^baffliction.

43 And now a commandment I give unto you—if you will be delivered you shall set in ^aorder your own house, for there are many things that are not right in your house.

I love that last line - how much time is wasted criticizing others, or justifying ourselves b/c we're somehow "doing better" than someone else. Here's the council to set our own house in order. Are we teaching truth and light to our children? We cannot GIVE what we don't HAVE. How much truth and light do we seek after, obtain and radiate? If we don't have it, what are we giving our children?
(the following are excerpts from my lesson)

"I have noted, over time, perhaps some of you have too, in various church settings, a commonly held belief among us as LDS women. It is the idea that it is not our role, our responsibility, or perhaps our capability to be “scriptorians.” Many times, I’ve heard a woman begin a statement by saying, “I’m no scriptorian, but…” And I ask myself, “Why not?” Where or when did some of us learn this verse: (Sung to the tune of “As Sisters in Zion”)

'As sisters in Zion we’re not held accountable, for doctrines of truth taught in scriptural books. If we but keep busy we’ll seem like we’re righteous, we’ll go through the motions in words and in looks.'

I feel the underlying belief comes, not from any gospel source, rather from a cultural and societal norm that teaches that women are not intellectuals and are not capable of comprehending complex thought. The gospel teaches otherwise:

D&C 42:61 If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive ^arevelation upon revelation, ^bknowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the ^cmysteries and ^dpeaceable things—that which bringeth ^ejoy, that which bringeth life eternal.

Last paragraph 263 Quote from JS. “Great joy and satisfaction continually beamed in the countenances of the School of the Prophets, and the Saints, on account of the things revealed, and our progress in the knowledge of God.”

Joy and satisfaction come from learning truths – a remedy for discouragement and despair.

Under new heading on page 265– “Knowledge is necessary to life and godliness.” Woe unto those…”knowledge is the power of God unto salvation.”

“Knowledge does away with darkness, suspense and doubt; for these cannot exist where knowledge is.”

Page 266 “Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. (The converse, then, is true also: whatever ignorance we maintain, will also rise with us.) And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another he will have so much the advantage in the world to come.”

I’d like to challenge one other assumption common among some LDS women, that the priesthood brethren automatically know the gospel better than others, b/c of their calling or authority, or perhaps they served a full time mission. I believe this is an illusion, and a copout. I speak as a woman AND as a returned missionary and I’ll tell you that it is NOT whether or not someone has served a mission, a person’s scriptural/gospel knowledge is a direct reflection of his/her individual effort to learn it. “And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience…” That opportunity to KNOW is open, and commanded, for all of us.

Have you ever noticed when the Prophet, Apostles and other leaders speak, they often quote or refer to writings from great classics – be it classics in music, theater or literature? Have you heard them recommend that we study from ALL good books? Do they often quote from CNN? Reality TV, or American Idol? Where do they spend their time? If we want to be as they are, we must follow in their footsteps.

Page 268 last paragraph – “God hath not revealed anything to Joseph, but what He will make known unto the Twelve, and even the least Saint may know all things as fast as he is able to bear them, for the day must come when no man need say to his neighbor, Know ye the Lord; for all shall know Him…from the least to the greatest.”

NO excuses – these blessings and promises are not reserved for the elite only – “even the least Saint may know all things…”

I bear you my testimony that these things ARE true! As women, and daughters of God, we ARE intellectuals. We ARE capable of comprehending complex thought. Light and knowledge will be given to any who seeks it, honestly, with a commitment to act upon the knowledge given - which may require us to change the way we think, speak, and relate to others.

Cloth Diaper Update

Nighttime cover
Daytime diaper

These are the cloth diapers we've been using for about 2 months now - and I love it. (from www.comfybummy.com) Mostly I love walking PAST the diapers at Costco and thinking that's a thing of the past! The first few days it was a little overwhelming - but then I learned some strategies and techniques and now, it's just the way we do things.
Tips:
1. Our laundry room/bathroom has a shower with a detachable spray nozzle. Brilliant! For Maika's messy diapers, I just change him in the bathroom and use the shower to spray him clean. Then I quickly swish the diaper in the potty (No, I don't stick my hand in the dirty water, or need gloves. I just hold one end of the diaper and swish it in the water.) Then I drop it in the dry, diaper bucket.
2. I take two plastic bags with me in the diaper bag in case of stinky diapers while out. I just tie them up and take care of them at home. My life is flexible enough that I can wait til after the a.m. BM's before we take off for our adventures for the day.
3. I use cloth wipes, too. I have large, plastic canisters that I put purified water in (just out of the fridge dispenser) and mix with 2 tbsp of olive oil and 2 tbsp of antibacterial handsoap. I swish that all together then stuff the canister full of cloth rags that are from t-shirts of Sai's I cut up. The dirty wipes just go in the diaper bucket.
4. I have leftover disposable diapers and commercial wipes for certain people and times (babysitters - don't want to freak them out!)
5. Laundering - This took some learning - now it's easy!
1st batch is with COLD water on a high water level. Use just 1/4 of a scoop of detergent. Then the best, natural cleaner is a BIOKLEEN brand (found at health food store and recommended by diaper company). Just add 2 tbsp. Once water is full and has swished, I let them soak about 1/2 hour then continue cycle.
2nd Cycle - turn on hot water wash and add 1/4-1/2 cup of Baking Soda. This cleans and deoderizes. Now they come out stain free and smelling nice.
I couldn't find the plain Biokleen detergent, so I use Biokleen Oxygen Plus bleach with my cold cycle wash. What I've learned is that most detergents, esp liquid ones, lock in grime and stink b/c they're so heavy and chemical. Biokleen and Baking Soda are great at stripping things clean of all that build up. White vinegar will also help remove detergent build up and clothes don't smell like vinegar. I also use the Biokleen in concentrate in a spray bottle. For messy ones, I just squirt some of the concentrate on the stain before dropping it in the bucket.

Just wanted to share - it's not hard. I'm so glad I switched now. I feel better about the environmental impact.

This is a random addition -
I was reading the Presidential Report from BYU-Hawaii last week and just came across page 13 and found a picture with my boys, Aisea (in front) and Sikeli (last) riding on a Fijian raft at the PCC. That was taken over a year ago. Oh, how we miss that place!!!

All I Want For Christmas... HEALTHY KIDS!!!

Beginning on Oct. 21st when we returned from our family trip to DC, my three boys and I got a most annoying cough and congestion/runny nose. I could feel it coming on during the plane ride home - how I wish they had high grade air purifiers on those things that would kill bacteria in the air. I started to get all paranoid about all the germs - the dead skin cells on the seats, the germs on the tray tables, and wondering how many other kids had licked that window before Aisea! I couldn't wait to get out of there!

Anyway - I have done away with cough syrups for kids b/c a) they don't work and b) they don't work. (There's research that supports this, primarily for kids 3 and under). So I began loading us down daily - echinacea, fenugreek, thyme, chewable vitamins, liquid, no dairy products, no OJ (b/c it does produce mucus - like dairy does - and thus provides a host for goobers. Info provided by naturopaths). My mom asked me one morning, as I prepared our daily doses before breakfast, if I needed a pharmaceutical license to do what I was doing.

Well, it dragged on and on, literally until the end of last week! (From October!) I FINALLY did follow through with tips from a woman I met named Jaleeta. She has raised 9 children to adulthood and said only 2 ever had antibiotics. Her husband is an herbalist. She had recommended that I use tea tree oil. I was too busy trying everything else and just when I was about to crack and go to the medical clinic - it was closed. (What a blessing!) Then I remembered Jaleeta's suggestion and went to the health food store and found a small bottle of 100% pure tea tree oil. I knew it needed a carrier oil and asked an employee about putting it with Vicks Vapor Rub. She was okay with that - so off I went.
Well, I'm just here to say that Vicks and Tea Tree Oil are my new best friends. In 2 days, I was so much better and my kids too! Here are the tricks -
First, I had learned a while back that a great nighttime cough remedy is to rub vicks into your (or your kids') feet and put socks on to sleep. If you think this sounds quirky, then you just don't know that the feet are anchored to the whole body and have a great power to absorb and it has worked time and time again for us in lieu of cough syrup. I use it on myself and know for myself that just shortly after applying it, I can sleep w/out coughing.
So this time I did the feet thing, with Vicks and then a drop or two of tea tree oil too, rubbing it all in the feet and then some across the chest.
MIRACLES!
Here's to you, Vicks and Tea Tree Oil - It looks like I'll get my Christmas wish!

Thoughts on Reading from My Mission Comp

Under my "Non-Reader Conversion Story" entry, I mentioned my mission comp. I failed to mention that I love her guts! She sent me this comment in an email and I like it so much, I want to share it. She has been an inspiration to me when it comes to reading great works. (Even if she doesn't think that audio books are considered "reading"). She knows so much about history and literature, it blows me away. And I just had an "ah-hah" (Oprah would be so proud) that her love of great literature and poignant, touching human relationships portrayed in that great literature, is why she is the most kind person I know. She used to rub the heads of strange kids as we passed them on the streets of Spain. I, on the other hand, was afraid of getting lice or something worse - you never know where these kids have been! Her journal entries about our days as missionaries were also filled with clever, witty, moving and tangible descriptions of the people we met and places we went, while mine were much, much more focused on sarcasm - which was my antidote for serving in Spain. Here's what she had to say:
"Whenever people say they don't like to read or they are not good at it, I think, "They just haven't found the right kind of books." People will read what interests them whether it's the sports page or Tacitus. Reading is so important, and more so with children. Children first learn by watching their parents. When children see parents reading, they become interested in reading. I wasn't that interested in reading when I was a kid. I watched my older sister reading and thought, "There must be something to this stuff because she does it for hours." When I finished my first book, Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Crooked Chimney, I was so proud of myself I went into the kitchen and told my whole family. Ever since then I have cried over too many books to count. I have laughed outloud over Aristophanes. I threw Dostoyevsky across the room. While reading Pride and Prejudice I shouted, "He loves her! Darcy really loves her!" And while I can't remember the plot of any TV shows I watched in tenth grade, I sure remember crying my eyes out at midnight finishing Of Mice and Men. That's something you want to give your children. Whenever I am faced with how little common sense I seem to have, I think to myself, "I may not know a whole lot about the practical things of life, but I know heaps of beautiful things that make life worth living." And alot of those things I learned from books."
By our "Aunt Nit" (as my kids call her - her name is Nic, short for Niccole).

Marriage Insight from Gottman

I am preparing for a new calling starting in January, to teach the church's Marriage and Family relationship class - it's a new course curriculum produced by LDS Family Services. That is what led me to review some secular marital material. (Have no fear, I went with info. from an author who is quoted in the church's instructor's manual.)

"The Relationship Cure" by the foremost renowned researcher on marriage and family relationships, John Gottman, has provided me with a simple, yet powerful concept I want to share.

In studying marriages, Gottman and team has found evidence that suggests that success or failure of a relationship directly relates to the "emotional connectedness" of the couple. Being connected does not happen in grandiose ways, during special events, or with fanfare, it happens up to 100 times per hour in situations such as dinner around the table.

Gottman has identified what he calls "bids" for emotional connection. Bids are a spouse's plea or request for connection. The "bids" can range from being overt to covert, such as, "I want to go to bed with you," or, "How was your day?" The level of emotional connection is a result of how these "bids" are received. They happen frequently when couples are interacting and happily married couples have patterns of receiving and responding to each other's "bids" in a positive manner.

Gottman says that there are 3 types of responses to "bids." They are: #1 - Turing towards, #2 Turning Away, or #3 Turning against.

When a bid - or request for attention/connection - is offered, the other spouse does one of the aforementioned 3 things. Turning toward the "bidder" means that the other spouse acknowledges the bid and interacts with the bidder, connects, & engages in communication in some way. This acknowledgement of a "bid" allows the "bidder" to feel heard, validated, loved, .... connected emotionally. Turning away is when the spouse ignores the bid, completely disconnected from the "bidder's" invitation for closeness. Turning against is when the spouse responds abruptly, annoyed, critically, antagonistically, etc. to the other's "bid." As you can imagine, couples that have this third pattern and those that commonly end in divorce.

This new understanding came at a great time for me. It gives words and even an avenue to obtaining what I've been after - a deeper friendship with my spouse. As newlyweds at Wymount (married student housing at BYU) we used to chuckle at the frequent counsel from our leaders to have a date night every week. They always said how important it was to continue courting after marriage. For us, at that point, every day was "date night." We were both in school, we had no TV, we had home cooked meals 3 times a day (not from a box) and we talked and exchanged ideas ALL THE TIME. We also attended the temple every week. Life was pretty much perfect! (If only we'd realized it then!!!) So it was impossible to imagine that our friendship would ever shift.

Joke's on us!

Three (nearly 4) children later - we look more like a tag team parenting troupe or referees at a WWF World Championship, jumping in and out of the "organized chaos" (that we call our family), than 2 best friends. We're still committed to our covenants, we still have the same foundation for our relationship, but we do not always do well with Gottman's "bidding." That will all change now that we get it, however. It already has.

Just wanted to share this. I'm amazed at what can be learned through the library - who would have guessed? (I know, I know, all you readers out there have known it all along!) And the best thing - it's free! I hope to have a home library someday, but I've decided that moving every few months, especially across the ocean at times, is not conducive to shipping loads of books, and that having a "home library" might work well if we have a "home" first.

"Non-Reader" Conversion Story

A mission companion once told me that listening to a book on tape/CD does not count as having "read" the book. I beg to differ - being very high on the auditory learner end of the spectrum. I tend to think I can absorb the same amount of knowledge as one who "read" the book with her eyes. After much debate (what else is there to do at night in your mission apartment???) we still differed on this subject - so when President Hinckley asked all members to "Read the Book of Mormon," I wondered what HE would think of those of us who listened to it????

Over three years ago, I came in contact with an educational paradigm - Thomas Jefferson Education - and it drastically changed my life.

I was invited to a youth camp (Youth For America, held annually) to observe. I arrived just before the adolescents did, and found a seat in the welcome room. I watched as each of them arrived at their camp orientation. Youth came from various states and Canada, some meeting each other for the first time, others were return participants. I marveled at their maturity in interacting one with another - introducing themselves, being assertive, seemingly quite secure, not the "typical" teenage scene (generally highly regarded as a time of insecurity). As the youth were seated and the orientation began, the speaker asked, "Who knows who Montesque is?" I was lost - the first question of the day, and I was lost! I was thinking, "Wait, Montegue (?) is Romeo and Juliet - not that I 've ever read it, or seen it, but I think that's the name. But that's not what this guy said???"

There was a low mumbling of answers, like in Sunday school when the teacher asks something as common as, "How can we communicate with Heavenly Father?" I heard the boy next to me say, "We know, he wrote the Spirit of the Laws."

"Okay, wait - What planet are these people from?" I thought. This was in 2005 - I had not just crawled out of a hole, or so I thought. I'd graduated from college, and graduate school - I thought I had earned an education. I had been married 3 years, I just had my 2nd child, but I had NO IDEA what these "teens" were discussing - and it went downhill from there.

What they were discussing, I later discovered, was a great philospher whose ideas were well known by our country's founding fathers and upon which a great degree of our country's constitution is founded.

But at the time, I had NO IDEA. What I did have in that moment, was, in psychological terms, an "existential crisis." That is what happens when everything you are, everything you know to be true, is suddenly challenged, or seemingly shattered in an instant, and you're left to figure out up from down, truth from error, and where you fit in all of the broken pieces.

My "shattering" was this: All my life I thought that "getting an education" meant going to school. And that going to college (and doing well) and then graduate school, was considered a "good education" especially for a girl my age. As I sat with these youth, however, who, throughout the day discussed subjects way over my head and articulated their "missions in life" and how they were making a "difference in the world," I began to shrink, wondering, "What did I learn in the past 18 years of school???" I felt like a preschooler among scholars.

I had a do or die moment. I could either choose to crawl into a hole and die of shame, or, enroll in a fresh pursuit of obtaining an "education."

Thus, in 2005 I entered the "preschool" of Thomas Jefferson Education (which is the modality from which these particular youth had emerged).

The first incorrect assumption I had to rid myself of was the long held belief that I could learn without reading. Having acquired that belief in elementary school, and having proven throughout ALL of my schooling years that I could "succeed" (meaning get top grades in classes I chose to succeed in) without cracking a book or dusting my feet at a library door, I had to buckle down and start at the beginning. A real education, I came to believe, comes from the study of classics - in every subject - classics can only be studied by reading them (or, listening to them, perhaps :) They cannot be transmitted through textbook summaries. I swallowed my pride and officially (I did announce it to the world) converted from a proud, "non-reader" to a "reader."

My first book was Les Miserables - the unabridged version. Loved it! It has taken me years, but I'm still trying, daily, to make myself create the time and space to read.

All of this history, was simply to announce that I had a great day today. The cosmos must have been aligned because I had time to leisurely read and I looked at the stack of books that I'm currently purusing, and I wanted to share my current picks:

Power Birth (Lydi Ronka Owen) - absolutely life changing - the BEST birthing book ever - short, simple, empowering.

The Infinite Power of Hope - Elder Uchtdorf's Oct. conference message. Holy Moly - I have to take it a word at a time b/c he's so darn right on!

What Your first Grader Needs to Know (E.D. Hirsch Jr.) - an educational alternative to "typical" curriculum

Strengthening Marriage - LDS Family Services - a new manual for the church's marriage and family class.

The Relationship Cure - John M. Gottman

and Out of our Minds: Learning to be Creative (Ken Robinson - who I posted earlier on a youtube link).

My goal in this coming week is to share the "ah-hahs" from these picks. I'm just so proud of myself for being a "reader." It's like I've joined a new club or passed some kind of milestone in life, a "coming of age" experience, like getting your first bra. It's like now I'm "one of the girls."

My next problem is finding people to discuss these things with - I'm still an auditory learner, but I guess I read kind of quirky stuff, b/c there's not a whole lot of book clubs out there touting these titles.

However, because I am anti-mass hystery as well, I don't think I'll ever find the right book club for me. I refused to see the movie Titanic (haven't to this day) b/c of the craze. It was so peculiar to be "out of the loop" and observe the hysteria as my girlfriends would talk about it and dreamingly pant over Leonardo. Thus, I also refuse to read Twilight (Can I even spell it?).

Just give me some Gottman and leave me alone. Real life is so much more dramatic than fiction - why go anywhere else?

Ignorance is Bliss...But Knowledge is Joy

I have noticed a pattern in my life: ignorance. Being raised in a culturally encapsulated environment (translation - homogenous group; pretty much white and LDS for starters), in an uneducated, unexposed family environment, I developed the ability (or limitation, rather), to make assumptions and form opinions based on my imaginative perceptions rather than on information or truth. Over the years, through travel, mission, college, work, and living with people from many parts of the world, I have been gratefully blessed with having this ignorance challenged. Over time, I grew to not fear the word "ignorance," nor to be ashamed to admit that, "I am ignorant," because it is not tied to my worth, it's merely a state of having knowledge or a lack of it.

Just the other day, I realized I have had yet another revelation of my former ignorance. The pattern I'm seeing is this: When a subject arises, of which I am ignorant yet have strong assumptions regarding it, I now seek more information from several valid and reliable sources in order to validate, or adapt if necessary, my position. The result has been that as I gain more credible information, I have the tendency to adopt a position on that subject that is outside of the mainstream's value base, or a more "radical" stance than the bulk of society. Not ever being one to feel insecure with peer pressure, this "outsider" position hasn't tortured me, nor tempted me to resist my movement towards a less popular alliance, when my move is based on my values and beliefs. Simply - I am okay with letting others have their beliefs even when mine are different and still being great friends.

What I have noticed is that perhaps this ignorance is a greater part of society at large than simply a reflection of a small town, LDS community and individual family.

There seems to be a tradition of ignorance in our modern American history. There's a broad difference in the education and thoughts of our founding fathers and mothers and the average level of education of an American today.

I digress.

What has brought me to reconsider that perhaps I am not the only ignorant person is being confronted by the uneducated, uninformed oppositions toward some of the choices I am making in my life: homeschooling my children and homebirth. (Just to pick 2).

I do not mean this in a condeming way. The oppositions simply remind ME of the uninformed beliefs I ONCE HELD on the same topics and the persecutions (whether they were verbal or kept to myself) I heaped upon others who have made the choices that I am now making.

I reflect in horror at how determined I WAS that somehow I knew, or knew better, than someone else who was in fact making an educated choice where I was not exercising ANY choice, simply following the popular crowd.

As I thought about these experiences recently, the phrase, "Ignorance is bliss" came to mind and I have challenged it for myself that if it is bliss, than "Knowledge is Joy," because pulling away from the mainstream and living my life in an assertive, empowering, personalized way has been liberating.

I'll get more specific next time.

P.S. Don't be offended - this is my blog - my thoughts - my opinions - it's NOT a reflection of anyone else's worth.

Washington DC trip photos....finally

Dad and Maika at Jefferson's home - Monticello (you can't see the home, but it's a cute pic.)

Little George (Sikeli) at Mt. Vernon, George Washington's plantation. Visiting this spot was Sikeli's goal of the ENTIRE trip. As we walked down the lane, he took my hand and told me this was the best day of his life. At that moment, it was mine, too.

Did we forget Maika? No, he was sleeping in the stroller - but Maika - we DID take you to the White House.

The Capitol. Exciting?

Jefferson's Home - Monticello - another highlight. Jefferson is my hero. What unbelievable genius contributed to the founding of our nation.

Stonewall Jackson's House. (Sikeli demonstrating his position as a Yankee. He made Aisea carry the confederate flag).

Washington and Lee University.

The Air and Space Museum - Smithsonian Institute

Safari Park - feeding animals right from our car!

Washington DC temple.

It's nice to finally get our trip photos uploaded and have a look at them. What great memories.

Halloween

Halloween eating...

Dorothy sneaking a kiss from Lion.

Last Winter we saw the play, The Wizard of Oz. We've been crazy fans ever since.

Using this love as our Halloween theme was a great way for me to participate and enjoy a holiday that I otherwise do not appreciate.

My sister was Glinda, the "Good Witch" and Sai - well, I guess he's "too cool" to dress up. He didn't think the "Great and Powerful Oz" needed any costume.

Where in the world are we?

This is just for the sake of updating, b/c I can't stand to think of my blog - it's like it's in a coma.

This is why:

We came to St. George, Utah, from Aspen the end of September. I started the marathon on Oct. 4th and did 10 miles in the cold, rain. It DOES NOT rain in St. George - just that ONE day in all the days before and since that we've been here! Being 3 months pregnant at that time, I decided the weather was just too much of a stressor and did not want to risk getting pneumonia. I gratefully took the shuttle into town and look forward to next year's marathon.

We took our first ever "learning vacation." (Term coined by Sikeli). Frankly, it was our first vacation that wasn't just a trip home for me from Hawaii or Colorado. We spent 10 days in the Washington DC/Virginia area. For the past year, my boys have been enthralled with US presidents, US wars, slavery, the Constitution and Declaration, etc. Let's just say colonial history up to the Civil War. We kept saying, "When we have the money we'll take them back east to see all these sights they love reading about." I finally realized that my intention with that statement was continually attracting a lack of money. So we set the intention that we WERE going in October and set the dates and did everything AS IF it would happen - and it did. There was a huge miracle that came just 2 weeks before the trip that was totally unpredictable and made the whole thing completely possible.

Setting intentions (i.e. Faith - view previous post if confused) is real. You know those "dream boards" or "vision boards?" They work. This was on our dream board.

So, imagine 10 days with endless questions from my curious children - far too many that I could not answer, such as, "Mom, what countries fought in the Korean war and what were their strategies?" This was my sheepish response, "I don't know, son. Just look at the memorial. We'll get a book on it when we get home."

Really, I tried to do better at other times, this was on the last day and my brain was FRIED!

Some of the highlights -

Thomas Jefferson's home

George Washington's home

Stonewall Jackson's home

White House,.....and all in that neighborhood.

Awesome Smithsonian Institutes

And a safari zoo where you drive your car into a free range zoo, open your van door and feed the animals out of buckets as they come up to, and STICK THEIR HEADS INTO, your van. For real - camels are stinky and scary when they're nose to nose with your child!

So - have been wanting to blog - but guess what? We moved everything from Aspen to St. George (long story) but I can't find the camera cord to download photos.

Sai returned to Aspen last week to work - better job opps than in St. George. He visits on the weekends.

I'm now 21 weeks pregnant - expecting to have a boy - no official info on that yet, however. Planning a homebirth and have a great midwife. "Why didn't I do this before?" is my only question. It's just so much more normal to meet with someone who treats pregnancy and birth as a natural thing and not a disease. I used to think, "But what if something happens during delivery and you need the hospital's equipment and specialties?" But now that I know a little more, I'm embarrassed that I ever thought that! This midwife, I can only speak for her, b/c I don't know others, but she has safely delivered more babies without the need for c-sections, than any doctor I know. She actually knows other techniques besides incisions when things aren't going smoothly. What a concept? Anyway, she's delievered 2 of my friends in the past 2 weeks and has delivered more than 1,000 babies. I'm excited about this journey and thank all of my friends who have been inspirations to me in this area.

I also started using cloth diapers about 2 weeks ago. I searched for months to learn more and finally ordered from comfy bummy online. The main reasons I went this way were:

1 - environmental impact. The hundreds of diapers I personally throw into the environment MONTHLY is a shame.

2 - cost. Research estimates a savings (after all things considered) of $2,000.00 per child over the course of diapering years (0-3).

3 - my children's bodies, i.e. health and comfort. Knowing what I'm putting against their skin is natural.

Do I sound granola yet? Regardless - I'm happier and more content with life than ever before, so, it can't be too crazy.

Creativity in Education

If you are a parent who hopes for the BEST educational opportunities for your children, please watch this brilliant (and humorous) presentation til the end. When you are moved by its contents - decide to do something about it! Don't subject your creative children to a slow, uninspiring, educational death.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY